serenity

Ah, serenity. To be serene, to have calm in one's life! How many of us can say we have it? This prayer goes above and beyond the everyday hassles of paying bills, sick kids and a car breakdown, not that those things don't upset our balance, but this "serenity" goes a bit deeper.

To understand that there are situations and people that can't be changed, that we must roll with the punches, and those punches can change us for the better or--if we refuse, to make us worse.

I used to be in a marriage where I was constantly evolving, changing, growing. I loved to sing, so I joined the church choir. I had children, so I learned to become childlike, playing in sandboxes and giggling like a schoolgirl as I watched my kids' antics. My old job had moved, so I learned a new job entirely and eventually liked doing it. My then husband, however, was rigid, like an oak tree. He said that he hadn't changed in so many years and wouldn't start now! When our relationship foundered after 25 years, I suggested counseling. He refused. The fire of our marriage finally died out. I realized that I couldn't change HIM, but as I changed, he couldn't accept it. He wanted "the old me" back. I loved the "me" I had become. I was stronger, wiser, I had seen four children born, lost three more in miscarriages, buried my younger sister way too young, dealt with the loss of a beloved grandmother, changed careers and thrived...and he was still mired into what he was when I met him.

To change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

I am not advocating that in marriage, if one spouse doesn't get their own way, they walk out of it; rather, if after many years of trying, one needs to take a firm look at where they have been and where they are going. What roadblocks are holding you back? Is it being more available in your career than your family? Is it alcoholism that is taking you away from the ones you love? Is it a love of gambling? Spending way beyond your means, becoming mired in debt? Losing the excess weight you have been carrying for far too long? What factors are influencing the choices you make, or have yet to make? Take a serious look at what YOU can change, then take action to do it! Be your own advocate!