we've only just begun....

When I was eight years old, that song, "We've Only Just Begun" by the Carpenters took me away. I imagined new beginnings, no worries and a life filled with endless days of strolling through poppy-covered fields. It elevated me, it said, "I am here, don't worry." That song was my escape.

I grew up in an abusive home. My mother used every weapon she could to tear me down, verbally, physically and emotionally. For many years, I kept a calendar, crossing off the days, waiting until my first opportunity to leave that environment. By the time I was sixteen, even that no longer held any promises. Every day was sheer agony until I finally attempted suicide. I survived, but felt empty and worthless. "Why was I even born if I was to suffer so much," I asked God time after time. I then married too young and cut off all contact with my mother.

Flash forward 25 years. My father called me to let me know my mom was in hospice. Immediately, I went to her bedside. I prayed over her, and told her that I forgave her for all the pain she had caused me. She held on for three more weeks. I believe she needed to make peace with her past as did I. Three days before she passed away, she whispered, "I'm sorry" to me. Those were her last words.

In the words of the song I so loved, I also just began to live. I had to let go of the past to move forward towards the future. I had to forgive myself and my mother. Once I did, a huge burden was lifted from me, with all of its fears and insecurities. I became stronger for it. That which doesn't destroy us really does make us stronger!

Don't carry that baggage of anger and pain. It's too heavy. Instead, put it down, make peace with it, then proceed forward. Your life will be so much better for it and you will find that your shining example of love will brighten the lives of all you meet.

If life seems to have you down, feel free to contact me. My e-mail is dianeganzer@yahoo.com. I look forward to hearing from you...