the "D" word....

Two nights ago I had just dozed off when I heard the front door being pounded. Groggily I awoke, thinking that my daughter had locked herself out. I wobbled to the window and opened it, hoping to let her know I would make my way downstairs and to wait. Instead I heard angry voices from next door. My neighbor's boyfriend was berating her, smashing things, cursing her with "F" words. More breakage and pounding...Frantic for her safety, I dialed 911. Within minutes that seemed like hours, I waited by my open window for the police, praying that her two children would stay safe. "Come on!" I thought, "hurry please!" Then, just as I saw the headlights of three squad cars, what I heard next made me quiver with the worst fear since many years...."mommy, make him stop hurting you!" 

"Oh God," I said aloud to my now waking husband, "he's hurting her and her daughter is awake!" The cops had it under control and within minutes, I saw him being led out in handcuffs. My body still quivered as memories shot through my mind of a different time....when I too, needed help...and no one thought to give it. After many years of fear, I finally dialed 911 myself...and turned in my then husband.

Domestic violence. Those two words are about as opposite as day and night. Domestic = thoughts of cooking, a warm home and a fire in the hearth. Violence = fear, uncertainty and pain.

I have only two things to say here: first, if you hear anything, please ACT. Call the police immediately. Do NOT think "she'll straighten it out herself." Because maybe she can't. Maybe he is keeping her from a phone. Maybe she is not strong enough to make that call. Think of the children that may lay in fear of "what will happen next?" 

If it is YOU who is being hurt, there are many people who can help you. You DO NOT need to live in fear! You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Call 911 if you can and LEAVE the perpetrator. Think of your kids! How much more can they witness of mommy being hurt? Don't think, "he's just mad, it'll be better when he sobers up." Because that is what is called a "honeymoon phase." Yes, he will kiss and make up, and maybe he gets off on "make-up sex," but it WILL happen again...and again. I promise you that.

If you haven't yet seen it, watch "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett. It is absolutely true. Don't allow the situation to get so out of hand that you feel you have to kill your guy. No man is worth going to prison for. There are "angels" who will look after you--social services who can help you, even your own physician can steer you to places that WILL help you. I implore you---do what is right and best for you! You have done nothing wrong, you are a person of worth and you are strong enough to make it on your own. Yes you are! 

My neighbor spent today surrounded by friends who are encouraging her. Her guy sits in jail awaiting his fate. I pray she sees the light and has the strength to tell him the abuse is over. She doesn't need him to survive. She can do that very well on her own.

Please pray for victims of domestic violence. This is a very real problem. Many times, a restraining order is not enough. A piece of paper is nothing against a man (or woman) with vengeance in their heart. Again, if you see or hear trouble, you need to be strong enough to make that call for help. You may save a life.