there I go, but for the Grace of God............
I do read each and every comment or e-mail that comes my way and I respond to most if there is a means to. Last month I wrote a blog based on my book, "There but for the Grace of God..." and have been interested in the feedback. There has been a few caustic comments, and I respect each opinion. Alcoholism is NOT a cut and dried illness. The complexities of it are mind boggling, to say the least. To BE an alcoholic must be extremely difficult as you watch your life's hopes and dreams fritter away as you reach for that next drink. To be an observer in the life of one is just as extreme: I am speaking from experience. I have seen the worst of times and the "best" of times. I live each day hoping that today will be the one in which I hear a declaration of "I quit...for good this time!" and I admit that yes, it does hurt, very much, when things don't go as I planned. But I stick by what I wrote in that book: for any of us to judge or to walk away is wrong. I cannot know what goes on inside my husband's head, but I do know of his pain and anxieties as he struggles each day with his addiction. I too, pray the Serenity Prayer, asking God to help me change only what I can, to get through each day and to please give me strength to deal with what comes up. If you have time, you can go to www.youtube.com. Type in Kenny Chesney, "That's Why I'm Here," and listen to it. In it, he explains why he is at that AA meeting and how much life has literally kicked his butt. Have a tissue handy, as you will need it.
This response came yesterday and I will post it here for you. I don't think any response can be as blunt or honest as this one. Again, thank you to all for sharing your stories. My prayers for peace to fill your hearts go out to all of you!
"Anonymous" has left a new comment on your post "that daily struggle which is all too real............":
rob, I wish you were able to interview me, as I have a story for you. Seeing all the negativity on here got me to thinking, I need to say my piece. I am 70 years old. I am an alcoholic. I have been drinking since I was 15. Yup, I was married, I served in the military, I held jobs, I was functioning--on the outside. On the inside, had you been a fly on the wall, you would have seen something different. My wife resented me for drinking. I told her, "woman, this is who I am. If you don't like it, leave." She did and took our four kids with her. They grew up without me, though I tried to make it for birthdays, graduations and babies, drinking took over. I would start drinking, thinking, "yeah, I'll get there." when it was time, I was too drunk to go. I lost my wife, I lost the respect of my kids. To this day, they barely tolerate me. I lost friends over the years. But I still have my bottle. Was it worth it? You know damn well what the answer to that one is.I know your pain, rob and I commend your wife for being THERE for you. It can't be easy on her, God knows, just do me one favor, please? Love her, love her with everything you have. Because I lost my woman, and I would give my right nut to get her and the time we had back. Maybe I could make her see, just what she means to me even today. So there it is rob. My name is Dave. I am a drunk.
rob, I wish you were able to interview me, as I have a story for you. Seeing all the negativity on here got me to thinking, I need to say my piece. I am 70 years old. I am an alcoholic. I have been drinking since I was 15. Yup, I was married, I served in the military, I held jobs, I was functioning--on the outside. On the inside, had you been a fly on the wall, you would have seen something different. My wife resented me for drinking. I told her, "woman, this is who I am. If you don't like it, leave." She did and took our four kids with her. They grew up without me, though I tried to make it for birthdays, graduations and babies, drinking took over. I would start drinking, thinking, "yeah, I'll get there." when it was time, I was too drunk to go. I lost my wife, I lost the respect of my kids. To this day, they barely tolerate me. I lost friends over the years. But I still have my bottle. Was it worth it? You know damn well what the answer to that one is.I know your pain, rob and I commend your wife for being THERE for you. It can't be easy on her, God knows, just do me one favor, please? Love her, love her with everything you have. Because I lost my woman, and I would give my right nut to get her and the time we had back. Maybe I could make her see, just what she means to me even today. So there it is rob. My name is Dave. I am a drunk.
To Dave, to rob and to all who are reading this, the pain of alcoholism is all too real in today's world. Everywhere you see alcohol associated with good times! Let's party! whoo hoo, are we havin' fun yet? Country music is full of party songs or else painful songs of what happens AFTER the party. rob I have read your book at a library, kept it for three weeks in fact and showed it to all at my AA meeting. Yep, I have regrets too. Lost my own wife, lost my two daughters because they come over unannounced, seen me drunk once too many and finally said, we are done with you, dad! rob, I come home from AA and what do I do? I reach for a bottle. My exwife calls me for some BS and afterwards, I reach for that damn bottle! Pressure at work? I can't wait to go home and get my bottle! Fuck! My whole life is lather, rinse and repeat, you know??? Women won't have much to do with me once they see how much I drink so I guess I'll die a grumpy old man because rob I doubt I'll find me a "princess" as you have. You had better be good to her...you have a winner there! ah well, I've rattled your brains enough. Thanks for listening.
ReplyDeleterob...been drinkin for about 20 years now. I have 10 DWI's to my credit. I cannot say I enjoy my life, but I survive. Its the only word that fits...survive. The only friends I have also enjoy the bottle. My wofe barely tolerates me, but keeps me around because I cook and clean for her while she works. I have been in jails and prisons enough to know I don't want to go there again. I know I'll be like this till th eday I die. I exist and that's all. Thanks for listening.
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