what destiny has brought together.........
If you are one of my faithful readers, you know about the book I have written, "There but for the Grace of God (plus a few good friends & family) Go I." This book deals with alcoholism, told by those who live with it daily. These are the ones for whom life is a living hell. They may function, but they can never get away from the death grip that is Lady Alcohol at her worst. They know they will also die at her hands.
The following is a note from a gal who grew up watching her mother die that long and painful death. Except that her mother is still alive. She may as well be dead, however, for her life has no real meaning. Yet this gal, about 22 years old now, has found the strength to move forward and be a fresh example to others about what addictions can do to a child growing up. By a twist of fate, this is the now-adult young girl in the story that Rob took care of for awhile. (Warning...there is some strong language in this note.)
well,
there you are and here I am and I don't know what to say! I barely
remember you--sorry, don't take it wrong, but I was a little kid back
then, but I do remember some stuff. Then I saw that picture of me on
that blogsite today...who wrote that poem? It is very good and I wonder,
is it about me? I don't know what you went through with my mom, but all
I do know is being moved around a lot from one place to another, having
no real permanent home, I had no dad to call my own. I was in and out
of foster care so much because...Mom has been in and out of jail and
prison for drug charges so much. I don't really talk to her much unless
she contacts me. That drug
lifestyle...wow. Do you know how many guys she said were "my new
daddy?" I am lucky to have survived it. I
am in New Mexico now, working nights and going to college days. I want
something better for me. I want permanence, I want stability. After
reading through the blogs, it looks as if you have stability. I hope
you continue to have all good things in your world and am glad you are
off that drug wagon. Do you ever watch Barney now with your grandkids?
Do you have any grandkids? You mentioned once or twice "little kids"
with me...about my age, you had said back then.
Anyway,
Barney was so corny, yet I really believed it when he said "he" loved
me. Ha! Stupid purple blob dinosaur! But I had nobody else and was
young, dumb and naive! I have been trying to deal with all these issues
from my past as they come up. All it takes is a song or a sound or smell
to put me back in a certain situation. Living out of paper grocery
bags, with no real toys to even call my own...yeah,
there is stability for you! No wonder I liked Barney and shit like that
so much! SHIT! I don't even know why I am rambling on like this,
except that you were one of the few good things I had in my life. I
still remember being on a swing when you came over, then mom said we had
to leave and I never saw you again. Why didn't you ever visit me after
that? God, I wish I could turn that clock back. I know you had issues
too that you were dealing with. I have ordered that book online and do
want my college library to have it also. I really feel it is so
important that young kids know what this sordid shitty world is about so
they don't make those same fucking mistakes mom did and you did. You
seem to have worked out of it, but mom...? FUCK!!! Still drugging her
life away! How do you love someone like that? But my hell is...how do
you turn your back on someone like that? I guess, judging by what you
wrote that your wife is in the same boat...she loves
you but won't turn her back on you either for your drinking. What an
example, huh? That rock and hard place. Fuckin' life! I want to be an
inspiration to others as you are! I want to hold up that past as an
example and say, "don't ever do this shit because it just hurts everyone
in the end!" If I can do that on campus here...maybe it'll help one
person or many. Who knows? But I have to try. So Rob...thank you for
being you. anyway, I have rambled on
enough. You take care and have a great life. Stay outta trouble, you
hear!?
In another reply, she mentions how her mother, age about 44, looks like she's a million years old, has no teeth, sparse hair and no motivation for life. If this note doesn't encourage all who read this to move forward, get to know the children around you. Be that mentor that maybe is the saving grace in their lives. You don't need any special requirements other than to "just be" there for them. Be a positive influence. They are the future...for all of us!
Dear Rev Baum,
ReplyDeleteI am only 19 years old and have seen my mom at her worst. I have never had friends over because she is unpredictable. She is drunk by noon and passed out by 3 p.m. Or else she is aggressive and can chase away my friends with her stupid comments and looks. I am embarrassed to say she is my mother. I have no dad, he left when I was 11, he couldn't stand to see ma all fucked up. I have begged him to take me with, but he says no, so here I am. I am almost done with school and am saving money to move out in June. here is my dilemma...who will care for her? As it is, I do the shopping, the cooking and cleaning. If i go...then what? Do I just let fate intervene? She is my ma after all. I have no good memories..and Christmas means nothing to me. Why should it, that whole fairy tale about Santa is garbage. I begged Santa also to cure my ma, that's all I wanted, just cure my ma of her drinking. I hope, like this woman who wrote that note that I can be an inspiration on campus of whatever university I choose, to say, "don't give up your life for the bottle, because you have also basically told your kids and anyone else in your life to fuck off." So, I thank you for writing this blog Diane and for rob's input as well. Life is indeed the best experience anyone can have, I just wish mine could be better.
amazing, isn't it how when troubles hot, we as children turn to what we know is safe and harmless. Barney. Santa Claus. For me growing up, it was batman with Adam West when it was on TV. Superheroes who had the power to save me from anything! I imagined myself being whisked away from all the pain and then they would come back to give my mom what for...for doing to me what she did. Drugs, booze, child abuse...it's all the same pain. For me, it was knowing my mom was a hooker. Sometimes she brought her weird guys home to "perform a service" for him. and there I was, in the next room, uncertain of what her screaming or crying was about as they abused her during their rituals of sex. She had bruises, she was bloodies, but she'd clean herself up and go out again two hours later. I was left alone with my Barney video. "I love you--you love me..." yup, me and barney...we had each other. By the way, mom was killed when I was 16 in a bad deal gone wrong. Sex and a drug deal do not mix. There I was in Vegas....all alone, except for an aunt who took me in. I am now 25. I will never do what she did, and I mourn the lost childhood that I never had. You can use my testimony as well. rob...don't ever stop saying what needs to be heard, you understand? and tell reverend baum...thanks.
ReplyDeletedo you really feel Diane that you can save the world? Because alcoholism is so big and so rampant...you can't. You are against a mountain of epic force. Maybe you should just back off and let the drunks destroy themselves. They already have the noose. Just sayin.......
ReplyDeletethat last comment has me roiled! Save the world...? To the one who posted this, why didn't you sign it? Are you such a coward? Diane and rob are not out to "save the world!" No ONE person can...but if we all work together, we just may save ONE life! Isn't that more important? I know alcoholism, I live it every day. This testimony could be about me. I too gave up everything. I lost my own daughter to my now ex husband. I am living on the edge and uncertain "what happens next." I do know, however, that with someone, such as rob in my corner, who knows what I am dealing with, I can make it just one more day. and that is all I need right now.
ReplyDeletePolitical farce is also big and rampant. Shall we back off and let them destroy themselves? (US?) Obesity costs us taxpayers more than anything else medically, shall we let them hang themselves?(Us?)
ReplyDeleteJust because you take "Medicine" and NOT drugs, you are perfect and can do no wrong, just because you probably only beat your wife/dog/childeren because you had a bad day and they deserved it in your thin mind, it's OK, just because the elderly couldn,t afford their meds And eat, let them die, they deserved it.
You ignorant self centered, holier-than-thou people are the biggest problem in any given situation. Learn how to deal with real life!
Bring it on!!
And #2 - Ms. Bringman,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am in your corner. If all the perfect people on this planet (and there seems to many of them in 2000 differnet corners!!!) would stop and look at their world, compare it to others and see that ideals and values differ, just because I drive a 15 year old ford and they drive a new Lexus DOES NOT make them better, they just work in a better place and drink better booze when they get their DUI. And can afford a better lawer!!
Just because they can go out and eat fine dishes every night, they still go home and crap out the same stuff we do, it DOES NOT make them a better person. They who sit and judge others are lower than the drunks themselves, for the drinkers do not judge others or look down upon them. They just wish to live in their world with the friends that they have, live in the world they have,and leave others alone.
Why can't the PERFECT people do that? And live you're own fricking life?
save the world? well, hells bells...why not everyone HAVE that attitude! yes, make it happen right now in your own heart! Save your evil thoughts for another day, better yet, just put them away! Save your aorrows, save your fears, they bring you nothing but sadness and tears! Save your nasty attitude, just toss it away and bring out the joy...it's here to stay! Toss you love out into the wind, and let it float from end to end! To Diane and to rob, I am here to say, I wish you both...a merry Christmas Day! and to the naysayers who feel they are wasting their time...for folks like you---I don't have even one rhyme! Diane, you get on that soapbox and tell us some more, how love and peace shine from shore to shore! As for the drunks who live just for one more day...to them....I say....may God bless you and keep you safe from harm...may you know that Love is with you...always. As long as there are people like Diane and rob and the rest who watch for the rest of us, we will be alright!
ReplyDeletechristmas present -
ReplyDeleteAmen! Thank you. This whole thing started with the Rev just wanting to post stuff for whatever, just being her wonderfull self, and through it, I have found a young lady who I have wondered about for 20 years and learned she is apparently doing OK for herself. That brought me to tears! You have no idea how many feelings go into that picture! And we are now communicating again.
From this, I have learned I am not alone in this dark and dreary world, there are many others like me out there. Another tear.
I have also learned there are others out there who put themselves on a higher shelf because they seem to think that, for some reason, they are better than others. Because the others have fallen on hard times, been screwd over by someone or something and got dumped in the crapper and cant climb out, for whatever reason, these BETTER people can look down on them. These BETTER people are probably now behind on their morgages and will be near homeless soon themselves, after they max out their credit cards! Sucks to live beyond your means and then realize you really do have to pay for all that shit you didnt really need, eh?
Just sayin --- so there you are anonomouse, and others like you!
And thank you again to chistmas present. And Merry Christmas to All. And to All a good night!