what are his motives vs. your intents?
wow...that's all this Reverend has got to say...because what you are about to read...says it all...and more!
Trust. It’s an interesting thing, when you think about it.
You pull up to an intersection and a man dressed in filthy Levis and a tattered shirt approaches your window. He is holding a sign that says “Homeless. Anything Helps”. You pretend not to see him and think to yourself, yeah right. You mean anything will help you go buy some beer. The light changes and you drive away.
I know I’ve done and thought that.
You are standing in line at the supermarket. A different man, this time very well dressed with neatly combed hair, reaches out and touches your baby’s fingers, He smiles at your child and says “you are a real cutie, aren’t you”. You quickly find a way to move the cart out of his reach and think, get your child molesting paws away from my kid.
I know I’ve done and thought that.
A friend you haven’t heard from for years, calls you out of the blue and starts making small talk. Your immediate thought is, what is this person after? Nobody calls after this long just to chat. Your friend moves the conversation to say that he has a new opportunity that he wants to talk to you about. You think to yourself, I knew it. You find a way to end the call and hang up. You never hear from that friend again.
I know I’ve had that happen.
A waitress is overly-kind to you while she is serving your food. She constantly compliments everything about you. She checks in on you too much. Shortly into your meal you think, you’re so fake. You’re after nothing but a big fat tip. You finish your meal and leave her your regular tip. Maybe less.
I know I’ve done and thought that.
Why do I do that? Why do any of us do that?
What has happened that we so quickly label others as the very things we’d be horrified to be labeled as ourselves? Thieving, dishonest, conniving, back stabbing, bad intentioned, blood sucking, schmucks.
What ugly thoughts!
Yet, that’s as much accommodation as we often afford others.
Why?
Holy crap. What would it hurt for me to give that homeless guy a couple bucks? Who the hell cares if he spends it on beer? Maybe beer is a step up for him from the harder stuff that knocked him onto the streets in the first place. Maybe, just maybe, he’s actually going to spend it on food (homeless people do eat, right?). Maybe, he really is a desperate human being who is trying to change his situation.
Wow. Do I have some sort of ridiculous attachment to money? Am I that attached to two dollars that I can’t stick my hand out of my car and give it to another man?
The answer is no. There is something deeper. I know, because every time there is a fireman standing outside of my car holding a boot, I do look. I do roll the window down.
No, what I have, and what most of us have, is trust issues. We hold people guilty until they prove themselves to us. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t we trust people until we have been betrayed?
Can these ugly thoughts really be worth the nagging feelings that hit me as I drive away? I’m not talking guilt. I’m talking about a feeling of nothing. It so easily could have been elation or heightened self-worth racing through me. But instead, I chose nothing.
Is holding onto these ugly thoughts really worth losing an old friend over? Did I really not love him enough to show genuine interest in what was so important to him? Did I really hurt our friendship because he had the audacity to try and involve me with something he was currently passionate about? What a friend I am was.
written by: Dan Pearce
Trust. It’s an interesting thing, when you think about it.
You pull up to an intersection and a man dressed in filthy Levis and a tattered shirt approaches your window. He is holding a sign that says “Homeless. Anything Helps”. You pretend not to see him and think to yourself, yeah right. You mean anything will help you go buy some beer. The light changes and you drive away.
I know I’ve done and thought that.You are standing in line at the supermarket. A different man, this time very well dressed with neatly combed hair, reaches out and touches your baby’s fingers, He smiles at your child and says “you are a real cutie, aren’t you”. You quickly find a way to move the cart out of his reach and think, get your child molesting paws away from my kid.
I know I’ve done and thought that.
A friend you haven’t heard from for years, calls you out of the blue and starts making small talk. Your immediate thought is, what is this person after? Nobody calls after this long just to chat. Your friend moves the conversation to say that he has a new opportunity that he wants to talk to you about. You think to yourself, I knew it. You find a way to end the call and hang up. You never hear from that friend again.
I know I’ve had that happen.
A waitress is overly-kind to you while she is serving your food. She constantly compliments everything about you. She checks in on you too much. Shortly into your meal you think, you’re so fake. You’re after nothing but a big fat tip. You finish your meal and leave her your regular tip. Maybe less.
I know I’ve done and thought that.
Why do I do that? Why do any of us do that?
What has happened that we so quickly label others as the very things we’d be horrified to be labeled as ourselves? Thieving, dishonest, conniving, back stabbing, bad intentioned, blood sucking, schmucks.
What ugly thoughts!
Yet, that’s as much accommodation as we often afford others.
Why?
Holy crap. What would it hurt for me to give that homeless guy a couple bucks? Who the hell cares if he spends it on beer? Maybe beer is a step up for him from the harder stuff that knocked him onto the streets in the first place. Maybe, just maybe, he’s actually going to spend it on food (homeless people do eat, right?). Maybe, he really is a desperate human being who is trying to change his situation.
Wow. Do I have some sort of ridiculous attachment to money? Am I that attached to two dollars that I can’t stick my hand out of my car and give it to another man?
The answer is no. There is something deeper. I know, because every time there is a fireman standing outside of my car holding a boot, I do look. I do roll the window down.
No, what I have, and what most of us have, is trust issues. We hold people guilty until they prove themselves to us. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t we trust people until we have been betrayed?
Can these ugly thoughts really be worth the nagging feelings that hit me as I drive away? I’m not talking guilt. I’m talking about a feeling of nothing. It so easily could have been elation or heightened self-worth racing through me. But instead, I chose nothing.
Is holding onto these ugly thoughts really worth losing an old friend over? Did I really not love him enough to show genuine interest in what was so important to him? Did I really hurt our friendship because he had the audacity to try and involve me with something he was currently passionate about? What a friend I am was.
written by: Dan Pearce
now you got the guilts going here! how many times have I passed a bum holding those signs? and you know some are taking advantage of the situation. Guess you have to use your gut as a guide...good point though!
ReplyDeleteI don't know quite what to say...my wife showed me your blog and her response...about how I sleep away the days and nights due to being drunk. I'll admit it, she is right. Her ultimatum was for me to clean it up or get out. Then i read this blog about homelessness and thought, "that will be me unless I straighten up my act. Do you know what it is like when booze calls? Then again, do you know what it's like when the love of your life calls..and waits fr a response?? I am scared of the future, but told her I will try---TRY to make that difference she wants to see. I only wish I could see the future...because right now it looks real scary. so thank you for your words and for listening. Hopefully you have me scared straight.
ReplyDeletethe many homeless that we see are that way because someone has either thrown them out or they have lost the benefits the state/social security paid for thewm to have a place to stay. It isn't just alcoholics it's the depressed, veterans with mental issues and anyone unable to hold ajob. For us to hold them accountable is unjustified. We need to have a heart and reach out--not to judge them and turn away. thank you for listening.
ReplyDelete