what marriage is all about

the easiest part of marriage is saying "I do." The hardest part is actually living out those words!

Being a Reverend, the first thought anyone thinks of is our task to marry folks. They also don't always realize we are there to hear of the pains of a marriage that is just not working out. I was watching a TV show last night and noticed how the wife character was constantly berating her husband. The outright putdowns hurt and I instinctively crawled into a tight ball, as if they were leveled at me. OUCH! Who would want to deal with constant criticisms like that? And yet...that is how some marriages are! It always starts small...tiny digs about this or that aimed low enough to hurt. Soon, it escalates into a huge fight and it grows worse over time. Neither side concedes, they begin to take each other for granted, then tell friends how their spouse just doesn't care anymore or doesn't "get it." Next thing you know, they may be commiserating with the opposite sex and a full blown affair gets mixed up in all of the pain. 

Uffda!!! Let's go back to square one. 

The Golden Rule: treat others as YOU wish to be treated. If it was your best friend...you wouldn't ever speak to that person as you would/do to your spouse, would you??? And yet...your spouse IS your best friend...remember that heady feeling of love when you first met? I know life becomes mundane, but the secret is to keep it lively. Why are you looking for reasons to fight? It is so much easier to keep a boat calm than to navigate through choppy waters, yet some people deliberately steer for the rapids!

I can say honestly that in the three years I have known my husband, we have not fought, not  even once. Yes, we have had our 'episodes,' but always have kept our discussions clean and fair. 

No name calling...EVER! No "F*ck you"...EVER! Those are the rules!

 I know what he doesn't like and go out of my way to make sure I don't add to any discomforts he has...and he is the same about me. We do things impulsively that brings a smile to the other's face: notes in the lunchbox on a napkin, a post-it on the mirror, a love letter in his log book, he brings me a special treat he knows I love from a truck stop in North Dakota, as well as a rose, "just because." I never worry about "does he love me"? because I can see it! Respect goes along way...and like a game of ping-pong, both people know they have to do what they can to keep that ball afloat...

Today examine your marriage. Go back to what made you fall in love in the first place. Then make that effort again. Remember the feeling of falling in love....of being free and uninhibited, of being able to say what you thought and knowing your words were safe...? Yes....you can have that feeling every day! As with everything else in life, it takes effort but the rewards are worth every minute of it!

(to my Rob...thank you for making every day a special one for me!)