winners never cheat and a cheater never wins
If you have been watching the news lately, you may have seen former presidential candidate John Edwards on trial for money mismanagement. That I am not going to focus on so much as what happened in his personal life that lead to that problem: his affair. His wife, Elizabeth, was fighting for her own life with breast cancer when she found out of his indiscretion. Sadly, she passed away with the chasm of his guilt between them.
An affair...geez, Hollywood makes it seem so clean, so kitschy, so....romantic, doesn't it? Just a man, a woman and a roll in the hay. Except that it is much more than that. There are always others involved: spouses, children, friends....and as the marriage crumbles, it takes those lives with it. Trust is shattered and though some marriage counselors claim that trust can be restored, for many it is an always uphill battle, a mind game of "where is she/he now?" as well as, "why did this have to happen?"
For the many who get left behind, it becomes hard to trust anyone else. "Will this new person in my life do to me what my spouse did?" That hurdle needs to be overcome as well. And on it goes.
When it looks as though the fire is dying in your relationship, instead of cultivating a new and exciting one, try to remember what brought the two of you together in the first place then recreate that. Communication is a must! Look at it this way, if you can strike up a conversation with someone new with the intent of starting "something," why wouldn't you do that with your significant other instead? Has the romance REALLY died? One way to find out is to ask yourself, "if I saw him/her with someone new...would I become upset?" If the answer is no, your relationship is most definitely over. Cut those ties before starting something new...make it a done deal so that there is no doubt in anyone's mind that it truly was over and done. And then...really let go of your former flame. One person I know, whose wife had an affair, then left him to pick up the pieces. His faith and trust in women was shattered. Many years later, after allowing himself to finally trust someone new again, she came back in his life with a vengeance, tearing apart everything he held dear, including their now-grown children. She denied to them of ever having an affair while married to their dad. Guess who they believed? Four lives so altered all because of the domino effect that an affair can cause. For if not for that affair, they would, in all likelihood, still be married and the many things that came down the line later probably would not have occurred. Lives were changed, altered! some for the good, some for the worst.
Affairs. It really is not all about "him and her." It's all about everyone else, too.
An affair...geez, Hollywood makes it seem so clean, so kitschy, so....romantic, doesn't it? Just a man, a woman and a roll in the hay. Except that it is much more than that. There are always others involved: spouses, children, friends....and as the marriage crumbles, it takes those lives with it. Trust is shattered and though some marriage counselors claim that trust can be restored, for many it is an always uphill battle, a mind game of "where is she/he now?" as well as, "why did this have to happen?"
So many politicians have affairs, and others dismiss it by saying, "what does that have to do with running a country?" I see it as being a distraction. Keeping all of those lies straight, covering tracks...it is time consuming.And personally, why should I trust this person if all he/she does is lie? How do I know when to believe...and when not to?
When it looks as though the fire is dying in your relationship, instead of cultivating a new and exciting one, try to remember what brought the two of you together in the first place then recreate that. Communication is a must! Look at it this way, if you can strike up a conversation with someone new with the intent of starting "something," why wouldn't you do that with your significant other instead? Has the romance REALLY died? One way to find out is to ask yourself, "if I saw him/her with someone new...would I become upset?" If the answer is no, your relationship is most definitely over. Cut those ties before starting something new...make it a done deal so that there is no doubt in anyone's mind that it truly was over and done. And then...really let go of your former flame. One person I know, whose wife had an affair, then left him to pick up the pieces. His faith and trust in women was shattered. Many years later, after allowing himself to finally trust someone new again, she came back in his life with a vengeance, tearing apart everything he held dear, including their now-grown children. She denied to them of ever having an affair while married to their dad. Guess who they believed? Four lives so altered all because of the domino effect that an affair can cause. For if not for that affair, they would, in all likelihood, still be married and the many things that came down the line later probably would not have occurred. Lives were changed, altered! some for the good, some for the worst.
Affairs. It really is not all about "him and her." It's all about everyone else, too.
I know of a woman whose husband cheated on her always. She always looked th e other way. They have been married fro 16 years, but what do they have, really? She checks up on him constantly, treats him like a child, has near zero respect for him...he reacts like a child, and does even more to get back at her. he even cheated on her the night before they married, taking the stripper from his bachelor party to his apartment! Wow...how can anyone go through life that way? I am still looking for Prince Charming. Online ads are just chock full of NSA and one night stands....where are the Good Guys? Do you have the last one, Reverend?
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ReplyDeleteI don't buy that crap that if a guy has an affair it ruins the country. Look a t JFK, Clinton FDR...I can name more, but you get the drift. Maybe if Obama got it on instead of hanging with his ice maiden wife we'd be better off!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. After I divorced my husband, who had affairs, I met up with a man who I knew was into "the wild life," but I thought that after being with me, "the one," he'd stay exclusive to me. WRONG! He cheated on me...twice! Got rid of that one too...took me a long time to learn to trust again. If you are the Chosen One...he will never even look the other way. But you have to keep that spark alive.
ReplyDeleteAss at large -
ReplyDeletewe are not talking about the high and mighty who can do as they wish with no repurcusions - we are talking abour REAL people. Where it really hurts when it happens.
Buy a vowel, pal.