you are not alone...

"On this day, God wants you to know that your soul is always in communion with God.

When you feel lost, or afraid, or sad, - feel into your soul to find the strength of Divine presence."

 

So much easier said than done. When the weight of the world is crushing you, do you just want to lash out at anyone and everyone, so they feel as miserable as you do, or do you offer it up, asking God for the strength to deal with whatever it is that hurts?

I ask only because I received an e-mail from someone, asking me for help and advice in her relationship with her husband.

"Dear Rev. Baum: My husband and I have been married but a few short years. He is a wonderful man, but for the fact that he drinks, we'd have the perfect marriage. It's his drinking that has me frustrated. He works, then comes home, drinks and goes to bed. On his days off, its time to binge drink. I can't plan anything because most times he is too drunk to attend. So, not only do I sit here when he is at work, doing "nothing," but when he is home, it's like he isn't because I still do "nothing," waiting for him so we can do "something!" I am hurt, bored and unsure of what to do next. Is this to be my fate forever? Am I better off with or without him? What do I do? My heart is hurting for us both. Though he doesn't realize it, the frustration is mounting....if I did this to him, I know he'd leave me in a heartbeat. Please don't recommend AA or rehab...he has been there. That's why I'm here. Thank you."

It is asking so much of her to remain strong for him. She didn't mention children, but if they are in the mix, it makes it doubly hard. Dad is missing out on life. Even without kids, he is missing his wife's important life with him. Compassion, strength, integrity, these things and more are what she will need to make it through the long haul. I know exactly what she is dealing with, I know the pain and the hurt of being "left out" of life. To her and to all I say this: take each day as it comes. Keep yourself busy. You don't have to "wait for him." Go and make something of yourself. Journal your frustrations, call a friend, have coffee with someone that you haven't seen in awhile. Your spouse has issues that, if you left the relationship, will not make that person nay better. In some cases, ultimatums do work. In others it just leaves unresolved issues. You have to ask yourself, "how much can I deal with?" and go from there. Also talking to your Higher Power is a balm that should not be ignored. It is not weakness to ask for help and say, "I can't do this all alone." Let your significant other know also, in a kind way, how much you hurt seeing them and their dependence on alcohol. Let love guide your words. Chances are, they are aware that their addiction is hurting you and will respond in kind. And if not, take another step back, re-examine and ask yourself once more if you can move forward in your life with or without this person. I know it is hard....but take time to be gentle with yourself and feel God's Presence in your life. You are not alone.