the journey to hell--and back
In my position as reverend, I am also "counselor." Not the type that has a person laying on the couch, describing their life, but I have been known to get calls on short notice and offer a caring ear as well as a shoulder to cry on. I have heard stories from drug addicts and alcoholics, co-written two books about the effects of what these addictions can do to the human spirit as well as one about the triumphs of being sober. However, it is the addiction stories that also make me hurt inside. If a person is truly desiring to break free from addictions, I will do everything I can to be that support. I know that once a person has hit bottom, there is only one way up... and it is a hellish journey to get there.
This note is from one such person, writing to another about his past drug experiences and the whole "what if you had stayed with the person you were with, even though she was still using..." scenario. I am reprinting it here, because I think the words speak for themselves. I hope it speaks to your heart, as it did to mine.....
"Wow. I look at and contemplate these thoughts. Rev Baum and I have talked about all of it several times in the "What If" category of life, and yet, ...... ?
Your Ma, I think, fell into a category of "Need". She somehow needed someone to guide her through her life. She made a few mistakes early on and her mother was no help what-so-ever! So she had to make do the best she could with what she had. And that was herself. Make sense?
Some people flow through life like electricity and water. They take the path of least resistance and wind up where it ends, usually not a real good place. Sadly enough! Yet it is so. This is called Reality. Reality sucks, but to survive, one must deal with it, every fricken day!
People live in different worlds, even if we are all on the same big rock (3rd from the sun) and in my world you don't cheat and you don't lie to others. In your mothers world, things were different, apparently.
To slowly break away from "The Drug World" is near impossible! I mean, you are either in it, or not. You either chose to deal with the reality sh*t or remain on the path of least resistance. (i.e. electricity and water) I would have likely stayed with your Ma because she was a very good and loving person in front of the dope, yet she wanted what I didn't really want at the time, which was, to get married to someone who would help her "Need," which she thought was the way to survive, so she chose the water route, and found someone else she thought may fill her need. Wrong choice(s) there!
Meth expands your mind and your thoughts 1000 fold, and after the first really good High, you just keep looking for it again, and again, and yet again, yet you never find it. But you keep trying to find it! Some of us decide reality sucks, but we will deal with it, some don't.
You were a VERY big part of my role in all this, as I was able to look at the whole picture with no so called "Needs", and I truly loved you, and wished for you only the best, and probably would have stuck it out with (name withheld) if only her world was not so different than mine.
Does all that babble make sense?"
Friends, as I read this, I thought of the many who are trying to make that break from the drug world, finally recognizing all that they are missing out on: friends, family, children. I think of others who get sucked in, to the point that their kids are forgotten in the maddening quest of the next fix. I also ponder the many folks like you and me, who just write them off, thinking they are just some druggy, or alcoholic....now worthless, though they forget that we all have worth. It's just that some have been knocked down harder in life than others. I have spoken with some who are working so hard to get their lives back to normal, to have their children returned to them and to function once more. I think also of those kids for whom life took that serious turn for the worst, who spend each day wondering when it will be normal. "Will I ever have mommy or daddy back? What will today bring?"
I hope that if you know of someone with issues such as this that you intervene in a loving, non-judgmental way. These are God's lost children, like it or not!! As I am sure Jesus would have enfolded them into His arms, so we must also do likewise.
One day at a time. This is how we all make it through life. One day, one story at a time. You never know. The positive change you are to someone may just be what makes a difference--even many years down the road.
This note is from one such person, writing to another about his past drug experiences and the whole "what if you had stayed with the person you were with, even though she was still using..." scenario. I am reprinting it here, because I think the words speak for themselves. I hope it speaks to your heart, as it did to mine.....
"Wow. I look at and contemplate these thoughts. Rev Baum and I have talked about all of it several times in the "What If" category of life, and yet, ...... ?
Your Ma, I think, fell into a category of "Need". She somehow needed someone to guide her through her life. She made a few mistakes early on and her mother was no help what-so-ever! So she had to make do the best she could with what she had. And that was herself. Make sense?
Some people flow through life like electricity and water. They take the path of least resistance and wind up where it ends, usually not a real good place. Sadly enough! Yet it is so. This is called Reality. Reality sucks, but to survive, one must deal with it, every fricken day!
People live in different worlds, even if we are all on the same big rock (3rd from the sun) and in my world you don't cheat and you don't lie to others. In your mothers world, things were different, apparently.
To slowly break away from "The Drug World" is near impossible! I mean, you are either in it, or not. You either chose to deal with the reality sh*t or remain on the path of least resistance. (i.e. electricity and water) I would have likely stayed with your Ma because she was a very good and loving person in front of the dope, yet she wanted what I didn't really want at the time, which was, to get married to someone who would help her "Need," which she thought was the way to survive, so she chose the water route, and found someone else she thought may fill her need. Wrong choice(s) there!
Meth expands your mind and your thoughts 1000 fold, and after the first really good High, you just keep looking for it again, and again, and yet again, yet you never find it. But you keep trying to find it! Some of us decide reality sucks, but we will deal with it, some don't.
You were a VERY big part of my role in all this, as I was able to look at the whole picture with no so called "Needs", and I truly loved you, and wished for you only the best, and probably would have stuck it out with (name withheld) if only her world was not so different than mine.
Does all that babble make sense?"
Friends, as I read this, I thought of the many who are trying to make that break from the drug world, finally recognizing all that they are missing out on: friends, family, children. I think of others who get sucked in, to the point that their kids are forgotten in the maddening quest of the next fix. I also ponder the many folks like you and me, who just write them off, thinking they are just some druggy, or alcoholic....now worthless, though they forget that we all have worth. It's just that some have been knocked down harder in life than others. I have spoken with some who are working so hard to get their lives back to normal, to have their children returned to them and to function once more. I think also of those kids for whom life took that serious turn for the worst, who spend each day wondering when it will be normal. "Will I ever have mommy or daddy back? What will today bring?"
I hope that if you know of someone with issues such as this that you intervene in a loving, non-judgmental way. These are God's lost children, like it or not!! As I am sure Jesus would have enfolded them into His arms, so we must also do likewise.
One day at a time. This is how we all make it through life. One day, one story at a time. You never know. The positive change you are to someone may just be what makes a difference--even many years down the road.
OMG...your stories make me cry and today is no exception. Reverend, how does one say "I love you" for saving ME--one day at a time? Because you have! God be with you!
ReplyDeletethank you Rev...your desire to be "there" for me has really made my life whole--complete. Without you in my corner, my life would have been very bleak. Thank you from my heart and soul.
ReplyDeleteyou are so open when it comes to showing us how to love another, even if they are "unlovable." We each have merit....and when life kicks us, you have showed us how to be loved as well as TO love again. Thank you Rev Baum!
ReplyDelete"Love one another--even as I have loved you." this was Jesus command to each of us. In today's world, it has been cast aside for another motto, "take all you can before another gets it." Sad but true. Rev--thank you...you have made this mom cry. I am going to hug my kids now...they deserve my attention...
ReplyDeletegoes without saying...Rev--you ROCK!
ReplyDeleteyour column prompted this inspirational passage for me: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29, ESV) and this is what we must be about...lifting each other up...not bringing them down, especially the ones who already are down. We must be a support system.
ReplyDeleteI heard this story just yesterday and was brought to tears at what the storyteller went through. I was told to come here and read other blogs and wow! They are so well thought out! It is so easy to turn away from what we don't want to know about and yet, there it still is...and the next day and the next day---it is still there. To live in that hell must be just horrible! Thank you for pointing this out! I will continue to read your work. Please keep up the good job!
ReplyDelete