traces of love....long ago....
This was a song from the late 60's that has always held a melancholy feel for me. Faded photographs...traces of a love that didn't stand up to the test of time.
Today, as I was throwing out my trash in the Dumpster, I saw a small box that held a tiny baby dress, tiny booties, a bib and two photographs. Wedding pictures. In both, the radiant bride and her dashing groom smiled at the camera. From the style of dress, this wedding looked like it took place about 20 years ago. The glass in the frames was broken...they had been destroyed. I pondered why. What brings a coupke to the point of no return? Did the baby dress and booties have anything to do with it?
I also had a marriage that finally was dissolved about six years ago. I still have one photo from the wedding ceremony tucked away. Every now and then, I take it out and look at it. Hopes...dreams...what else do I see in the smiles that we beamed at the camera? Over time, those hopes slowly died out..the dreams faded away...until there was nothing left to hold onto. Ah, I was young, so young, and running away from a past that I felt a new chance at life would erase. Unfortunately, because I was so young, I hadn't discovered all of the joys of life. My self esteem was wounded and I had nothing to bring into this marriage. But I tried. In the end, the age difference, the cultural difference and the pains from both of our pasts became our undoing. Three years after our divorce was final, he passed away. I cried bitter tears at the funeral. I felt the whole world crushing in. I had failed. Me, who swore that I would never see the day when the "D" word became a part of my vocabulary, was a statistic now, along with the other 50% who end a marriage. Yet, we had a 25 year history behind us. You can't forget that-ever.
I have learned that in a healthy marriage, there is a give and take. Sometimes it's 60-40%, but the scales have to be balanced as much as possible. One person cannot and should never be expected to tote the whole load. The four words couple should take time out to ask each day are "how was your day?" and really listen to the other. The three words a couple must say each day is "I love you." Never go to bed angry. And never, under any circumstances, EVER tell the other to "F' off!" NEVER! Respect the other...treat them as you would want to be treated. Sacrifice...give those tiny gifts of yourself...show a smile, never use the eye roll. Make his favorite meal every now and then, put up with his friends, allow her the time to have coffee with her gal pals, take her to the department store when she just wants to spend time with you. If you know something annoys him/her...don't do it. And even after all of this...there may still be issues that always need a good conversation to air out. People are not mind readers. When he/she asks you what the problem is, don't just hunker down and mumble, "nuthin'!" It obviously is something or you wouldn't be bothered!! Most of all, tolerance. Tolerate those little habits that can become big problems unless you always reach out and say how difficult it is, but that you are trying to see it from their point of view. And the other party needs to acknowledge that, yes, it IS hard, but they are trying as well to make it right or better. And change is always good. Both parties can change and grow for the better. The relationship needs to allow for this. It has to...to thrive.
Keep God in your life also. After all, He brought you together...He knew that you need each other. Why deny Him the chance to revel in the glory that He...as well as you...got it right? Have faith that despite the storms, the rainbows will always come out.. and aren't they just beautiful when it happens?
"Traces" by the Classics IV (you can youtube.com this song. It is so beautiful and gives one pause to think.)
"Faded photograph
Covered now with lines and creases
Tickets torn in half
Memories in bits and pieces
Traces of love long ago
That didn't work out right
Traces of love....
Ribbons from her hair
Souvenirs of days together
The ring he used to wear
Pages from an old love letter
Traces of love long ago
That didn't work out right
Traces of love
With me tonight...
I close my eyes and say a prayer
That in her heart
she'll find
A trace of love still there
Somewhere, ooooh, oh...
Traces of hope in the night
that she'll come back and dry
These traces of tears
From my eyes....."
Today, as I was throwing out my trash in the Dumpster, I saw a small box that held a tiny baby dress, tiny booties, a bib and two photographs. Wedding pictures. In both, the radiant bride and her dashing groom smiled at the camera. From the style of dress, this wedding looked like it took place about 20 years ago. The glass in the frames was broken...they had been destroyed. I pondered why. What brings a coupke to the point of no return? Did the baby dress and booties have anything to do with it?
I also had a marriage that finally was dissolved about six years ago. I still have one photo from the wedding ceremony tucked away. Every now and then, I take it out and look at it. Hopes...dreams...what else do I see in the smiles that we beamed at the camera? Over time, those hopes slowly died out..the dreams faded away...until there was nothing left to hold onto. Ah, I was young, so young, and running away from a past that I felt a new chance at life would erase. Unfortunately, because I was so young, I hadn't discovered all of the joys of life. My self esteem was wounded and I had nothing to bring into this marriage. But I tried. In the end, the age difference, the cultural difference and the pains from both of our pasts became our undoing. Three years after our divorce was final, he passed away. I cried bitter tears at the funeral. I felt the whole world crushing in. I had failed. Me, who swore that I would never see the day when the "D" word became a part of my vocabulary, was a statistic now, along with the other 50% who end a marriage. Yet, we had a 25 year history behind us. You can't forget that-ever.
I have learned that in a healthy marriage, there is a give and take. Sometimes it's 60-40%, but the scales have to be balanced as much as possible. One person cannot and should never be expected to tote the whole load. The four words couple should take time out to ask each day are "how was your day?" and really listen to the other. The three words a couple must say each day is "I love you." Never go to bed angry. And never, under any circumstances, EVER tell the other to "F' off!" NEVER! Respect the other...treat them as you would want to be treated. Sacrifice...give those tiny gifts of yourself...show a smile, never use the eye roll. Make his favorite meal every now and then, put up with his friends, allow her the time to have coffee with her gal pals, take her to the department store when she just wants to spend time with you. If you know something annoys him/her...don't do it. And even after all of this...there may still be issues that always need a good conversation to air out. People are not mind readers. When he/she asks you what the problem is, don't just hunker down and mumble, "nuthin'!" It obviously is something or you wouldn't be bothered!! Most of all, tolerance. Tolerate those little habits that can become big problems unless you always reach out and say how difficult it is, but that you are trying to see it from their point of view. And the other party needs to acknowledge that, yes, it IS hard, but they are trying as well to make it right or better. And change is always good. Both parties can change and grow for the better. The relationship needs to allow for this. It has to...to thrive.
Keep God in your life also. After all, He brought you together...He knew that you need each other. Why deny Him the chance to revel in the glory that He...as well as you...got it right? Have faith that despite the storms, the rainbows will always come out.. and aren't they just beautiful when it happens?
"Traces" by the Classics IV (you can youtube.com this song. It is so beautiful and gives one pause to think.)
"Faded photograph
Covered now with lines and creases
Tickets torn in half
Memories in bits and pieces
Traces of love long ago
That didn't work out right
Traces of love....
Ribbons from her hair
Souvenirs of days together
The ring he used to wear
Pages from an old love letter
Traces of love long ago
That didn't work out right
Traces of love
With me tonight...
I close my eyes and say a prayer
That in her heart
she'll find
A trace of love still there
Somewhere, ooooh, oh...
Traces of hope in the night
that she'll come back and dry
These traces of tears
From my eyes....."
I am so blessed to have been born in 1961, and grew up listening to songs like this and so many more. Back then, they wrote and sang songs about things that really mattered! It was from the heart. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes....but that's alright. It's just proof that the music I grew up with really touches the heart and soul of those who will truly listen.
ReplyDeleteaw, Rev...don't beat yourself up. Your past has taught you how strong you are, and how wise you have become. I know it hurt...but you also did what was best for your kids at the time. I know you held up graciously under the pressure. I only hope that others in your life don't hold it against you. They need to walk in your shoes to understand. This is why we don't judge others...not for anything! Life isn't always what it looks like it CAN be. Any relationship takes effort. Thank you for showing us what works now...and I hope your current marriage is doing well!
ReplyDeleteAmen Sister, Amen! Thank You Jesus! Love, Blessing, and Hugs to you dear Diane! : )
ReplyDeleteyour line "in a healthy marriage..." really hit home. So many just go through the motions. A healthy marriage takes effort. Thanks for pointing that out!!!
ReplyDeleteits too bad we can't be born like Benjamin Button...born old with vast knowledge. Then we won't make mistakes....and avoid lots of pain :(
ReplyDelete