a loving marriage means....?
Of all the questions I get asked most often, I'd have to say I address marriage questions the most. How can something that started out so passionately get to the point where sometimes hate and disgust take over?
I'll tell you--it's Pride.
Pride...you know, the "I'm always right, you're wrong" attitude. When one or both partners stop HEARING what the other person is saying because they think they have all the answers, it sets up a barrier that gets higher with each new situation that arises. It's a power struggle in which neither side wins. Soon, all communication ceases as each ignores the other.
When your mate comes home, do you welcome him/her with open arms and a big, sloppy kiss? Why not?
When your mate walks in a room, do you look up and smile or look away and cringe?
Do you plan outings for just the two of you?
Do you share pillow talk? I do NOT mean sex...I mean...do you just lay together and hold hands, and talk? I mean really talk...not about finances or kids or jobs, but about your fears, your joys and how glad you are that you have that special someone next to you?
When the other makes a suggestion, do you attack it or listen to the opposite side of the story?
and finally---how often do you say..."I love you?" Is it some perfunctory phrase you say automatically or do you look the other one in the eye and mean it?
When was the last time you kissed, touched, held hands- just because? Touch is the most basic of human needs and yet we are so starved for it. No wonder massage parlors (the legal ones!) are so popular!
It's so easy for even me to "assume" that I have all of the answers with my hubby--and yet--WHY? He is so very smart...and in the end, he is right more than half the time. Ok, more than 90% of the time <chuckle>. But the fact is, when the smoke from my pride settles, I realize..."wow...I need to put away ego and hear him! We are a TEAM! We do things together!" We have no secrets. I am not afraid to talk to him. This is what is important. When I know we have issues, instead of attacking him as in: "You never..." or "you always..." I say instead, "honey, I feel hurt, sad, scared and this is why..." and then I tell him. I always sit real close to him, drop my voice to a quiet whisper and make sure the TV is off and there are no distractions. And we talk...we laugh...we cry together. This is true friendship at its best.
Today...look at your relationship. Remember why and how you got together in the first place. Rekindle that magical feeling. God brought the two of you together....why are you putting your relationship asunder?
Is there any anger, unforgiveness, or bitterness in your heart that might be gaining a stronghold in your life and keeping you from being God’s best? The benefits of allowing the love of God to trump the anger in your heart are tremendous, but the application can be very challenging. We can’t overcome our natural, sinful tendencies to react, and overreact, in anger alone. We need God’s help. His strength will meet us at our need when we call on Him. The Holy Spirit will help us to respond in God’s strength, not our own.
Call on His strength today!
I'll tell you--it's Pride.
Pride...you know, the "I'm always right, you're wrong" attitude. When one or both partners stop HEARING what the other person is saying because they think they have all the answers, it sets up a barrier that gets higher with each new situation that arises. It's a power struggle in which neither side wins. Soon, all communication ceases as each ignores the other.
When your mate comes home, do you welcome him/her with open arms and a big, sloppy kiss? Why not?
When your mate walks in a room, do you look up and smile or look away and cringe?
Do you plan outings for just the two of you?
Do you share pillow talk? I do NOT mean sex...I mean...do you just lay together and hold hands, and talk? I mean really talk...not about finances or kids or jobs, but about your fears, your joys and how glad you are that you have that special someone next to you?
When the other makes a suggestion, do you attack it or listen to the opposite side of the story?
and finally---how often do you say..."I love you?" Is it some perfunctory phrase you say automatically or do you look the other one in the eye and mean it?
When was the last time you kissed, touched, held hands- just because? Touch is the most basic of human needs and yet we are so starved for it. No wonder massage parlors (the legal ones!) are so popular!
It's so easy for even me to "assume" that I have all of the answers with my hubby--and yet--WHY? He is so very smart...and in the end, he is right more than half the time. Ok, more than 90% of the time <chuckle>. But the fact is, when the smoke from my pride settles, I realize..."wow...I need to put away ego and hear him! We are a TEAM! We do things together!" We have no secrets. I am not afraid to talk to him. This is what is important. When I know we have issues, instead of attacking him as in: "You never..." or "you always..." I say instead, "honey, I feel hurt, sad, scared and this is why..." and then I tell him. I always sit real close to him, drop my voice to a quiet whisper and make sure the TV is off and there are no distractions. And we talk...we laugh...we cry together. This is true friendship at its best.
Today...look at your relationship. Remember why and how you got together in the first place. Rekindle that magical feeling. God brought the two of you together....why are you putting your relationship asunder?
Is there any anger, unforgiveness, or bitterness in your heart that might be gaining a stronghold in your life and keeping you from being God’s best? The benefits of allowing the love of God to trump the anger in your heart are tremendous, but the application can be very challenging. We can’t overcome our natural, sinful tendencies to react, and overreact, in anger alone. We need God’s help. His strength will meet us at our need when we call on Him. The Holy Spirit will help us to respond in God’s strength, not our own.
Call on His strength today!
Let’s Pray Together:
Holy Father, Thank you for leading me in Your way of Grace today. I need Your help! I confess my anger/bitterness/unforgiveness right now with _______________. Please forgive me. Please bring restoration to the relationships that have been affected by my anger. Help me recognize when I over-react or when I respond in anger that is ungodly. Give me the strength to respond in love – to be slow to speak and quick to listen – so that You can be glorified through my behavior.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
Holy Father, Thank you for leading me in Your way of Grace today. I need Your help! I confess my anger/bitterness/unforgiveness right now with _______________. Please forgive me. Please bring restoration to the relationships that have been affected by my anger. Help me recognize when I over-react or when I respond in anger that is ungodly. Give me the strength to respond in love – to be slow to speak and quick to listen – so that You can be glorified through my behavior.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
you are so practical. The ones who need to see this won't take it to heart and the ones who do see it will wish the others do. Its like throwing a starfish back into the ocean--there are so many more on shore. What do you hope to accomplish?? You are only one...they are so many!
ReplyDeleteI do believe, Reverend, that you have the solution for all of society's ills and I mean this in a serious way. It isn't just for marriages, but ALL relationships! When we take our personal relationships as seriously as our work ones, we can then begin to make headway. We wouldn't think of talking back to our co-workers, yet we do to the ones we love. We hold the door to a stranger, yet we walk ahead of our wife. Why? Live the golden rule...even at home. Its where charity begins.
ReplyDeleteI wanna come live at your house!!
ReplyDeleteI cry when I read your stories. I wish I was your little girl. I wish so many things. Mostly I wish life didn't hurt so much.
ReplyDeletewow...guess no one can hide from you!!! and...thanks for this!
ReplyDelete