life is fragile- handle with prayer!

"O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption." - Psalm 130:7

 This past week I learned what true faith is. I had been dealing with cervical cancer for many years. I thought it was under control in 2006, but then in 2008 it flared up again. After trying everything, a hysterectomy was finally scheduled and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had breakthrough bleeding that finally became so bad, I was like the woman in the Bible with the 12 year hemorrage. I begged God to make it stop, that it was embarassing to say the least and scary to think that I had no control over my body anymore.

I put myself in the hands of a very caring doctor, who, with her gentle personality, took charge in the operating room and handled everything well. I could hear everything that happened and woozily listened as she kept the spirits high of all in the room.  Although I felt apprehensive just before being wheeled in, giving my husband a tear-filled goodbye kiss, I had hope that I would come back out and resume life.

This is my message of today. We don't KNOW if we will "resume life." We go into situations hoping for the best, but sometimes life throws us that curve and we realize that no matter what, we are NOT in charge! To be sure, I had everything at home done, right down to cleaning the fish tanks and emptying wastebaskets, to having the cupboards filled to overflowing with food. In the end though...the what-if's crowded my head; "What if I don't come through this?" My husband knew where the important papers were kept and I prayed to God he wouldn't have to use them. I have to say that I don't bargain WITH God, so much as just asking him for "one more chance." "Dear Lord, I am not done here yet, your servant WANTS to continue the good works You started me with!" I guess He felt the same way!

Life though, like the sands in an hourglass, does run out. While in the hospital, as I began to heal, I fretted at the confinement. Rather than use the time for pity, I thought about the time 'down the road.' I didn't want to end up in a nursing home tied down with tubes and wires. No one does. I thought about my father in law, who also was in the hospital earlier this year and the brave face he showed us all, so I tried to be like that. I thought about others in the hospital who didn't have anyone to visit them, who were probably more scared than I was. And I prayed for those for whom life ended right there.

Life is so fragile. I realized it every time I heard an ambulance pull up, sirens blaring, with another life in need. I thought about Jesus and how he holds the hands of those who are on the edge, willing them to hold on...and of others who have fought the brave battle and need to let go. 

My heart goes out to all who face each day with some battle brewing for them. May you be comforted in your pain, may you find solace for your soul.
Peace be with you all.

"some days are just gray... maybe if there were some answers about  caused it....idk.. I keep thinking this is how life goes... we all will pass at some point... but it is so dang hard not to be selfish in the grief..the whys and only ifs..and the pain of losing the future with that person .. I know it is as it should be... but man.. how jarring..unexpected.. and eye opening...again.. to how short and fragile life really is...life changing seconds...hopeful for some answers...for everyone's sake..."  ~ a Facebook post from a friend of mine who just lost someone very dear to her heart....