children learn what they live.....

In my last post, I wrote about validation. Many people nowadays seem to busy to either grant another a positive word or just don't have the courage to say anything nice. Today I also wish to speak up about EMPATHY. Empathy is similar to sympathy, in that it is an emotion that you feel towards another that allows you to act with compassion. Again, Mother Teresa comes to mind. She spoke out about the poverty of our lives when we don't reach out to others in an act of kindness. Empathy is something we are all born with. It is true: have you seen how many children will react when they see someone else get hurt, or are crying? They will do what they can in their own simple way to "make the hurt all better". When my daughter was just under two years old and her stubbornness would make me cringe, instead of yelling at her ( I could NEVER yell at my little girl!) I would instead make a face, as if I was going to cry. I would then talk in a sing-song voice, telling her that I hurt because of her actions. She would then make a face, touch my arm and tell me to "stop that!" I would continue, saying how I felt sooo bad because she wasn't listening to me. Then I would "cry." She would reach out, take my hand and tell me that it was going to be OK, that she didn't want to see me cry. I would sniff LOUDLY and ask her, "you promise?" and she would say that she loved me and she hugged me.
Ok, so it was theatrical, but it also showed her that even mommies could hurt just as little kids do! Today she has so much sympathy for others in need.

Is this where we have gone wrong? How many kids today feel emotion for another who is in pain? Although empathy is an inherent trait, it can easily be wiped out by the actions...or inaction, of another. If a child grows up in a home with loud yelling, cursing, bullying, hitting, lack of tolerance, they grow up to assume that this is the norm. All of the news reports that we are hearing about today, about mass shootings...it is NOT from an easy access to guns...it is NOT from mental illness! What it IS...is that people are so devoid of personal human emotion, they cannot put themselves in the shoes of another and talk themselves through a situation. They don't care that others can get hurt or die. All they know is their own selfish need for control, revenge or mayhem.It has been said that how a child treats an animal is how they will react as an adult to those in need. If they abuse a dog, cat or bird, more than likely they will also kill or maim others later in life.

How can parents teach empathy? Show love, show kindness, show an intolerance to people being hurt. Watch what you say...do your words convey love or hate? How do mommy and daddy  react to each other? With words of love or anger? Do you validate your kids when they do something good? Do you TAKE them to places where respect and compassion are to be shown? Soup kitchens, nursing homes, churches, hospitals...talk to them when the news is on. Tell them that this is a horrible thing when people mistreat another. If you have a pet, enlist the help of the kids to nurture the pet. Children really do learn what they live!!

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.

If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.

If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.

If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.

If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.

If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.

If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.

If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.

If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.

~ Dorothy Law Nolte

With what is your child living?