women and domestic abuse---it NEEDS to END!

 


The news lately, just here in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, has been filled with women who are missing or found killed by the one person they trust the most: their significant other. In many of the cases, it is when they announce they can no longer tolerate the relationship for whatever reason,  that they meet a horrific end.

And my heart cries out WHY?

What goes through the mind of someone who will do anything to keep that person, though they lavished mistreatment or worse on her, and feels that if she leaves, then if he can't have her, no one will?

Currently our legislature is putting together a bill enacted in 1994 that provides federal funding for programs and organizations that help assist women who are victims of domestic abuse, stalking and sexual assault. H.R. 4970 would reauthorize funding for VAWA grant programs for five years, and would authorize $660 million in funding per year to help prevent domestic violence and protect victims of abuse.  In addition, H.R. 4970 would establish new federal crimes and broaden the coverage of existing crimes relating to violence against women.
 
This is good news--however...domestic violence, though it may occur over many months or years, can be swift, aggressive and the end result may happen within a matter of minutes. When a person decides she has had enough and finally announces that impulsive courage to want to leave without the "consent" of a man, he may snap.  His anger lashes out, that smack upside the head may turn into an act that not only kills the victim, it may go beyond that to hiding the body, dismembering it, burying it or anything else to hide his anger.

The following information I am providing is from the University of Minnesota's domestic violence awareness. The more we can reach out to those who need that extra bit of courage, the more we will be able to save a life...or more if children are also involved. The cycle of violence is passed on from generation to generation. What a child sees while growing up canbecome a way of life. Bullying in the schoolyard becomes aggression as an adult.

IMPORTANT: I urge you, if you are in an abusive relationship, please gather up your courage and get out! There are many resources that will help you! You are a valuable person! You DO NOT NEED validation from a man to feel important! You have self worth! You have the strength to move on in your life! And last, if you can't do this for yourself, think of those around you who may also be impacted by the violence that is occurring
Please keep reading:

Physical Violence

• Pushing, shoving, grabbing, slapping, punching, and restraining among other acts
• Physical intimidation (blocking doors, throwing objects)
• Use of weapons
• Stalking (See OVW Stalking Fact Sheet)

Sexual Abuse

• Attacks on sexual parts of the body
• Forced sexual activities
• Pressure to have sex
• Rape (including marital/partner rape)

Emotional/Psychological/Verbal Abuse

• Threats and coercive tactics
• Controlling what the victim can and cannot do
• Undermining a victim's self-worth and self-esteem
• Humiliation, denigration
• Threatening to harm or kill a pet
• Isolating the victim from family or friends
• Blaming the abuse on the victim
• Interrogating the victim and their children
• Name-calling and yelling

Economic Abuse

• Maintaining control over finances
• Withholding access to money
• Making the victim financially dependent
• Not allowing the victim to work or go to school

Domestic violence occurs within opposite-sex relationships as well as same-sex relationships, between intimate partners who are married, divorced, living together, dating or who were previously in a relationship. It is important to note that "[d]omestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses and the community at large"(OVW, 2008).

Victims of domestic violence experience many barriers when leaving abusive relationships. These include fear of the abuser, believing the abuser will take their children, hoping the abuser will change, embarrassment, shame and self-blame about their situation. Limited financial options, lack of transportation, lack of knowledge the services exist, and lack of proximity to those services are also factors.
 Any person over the age of 18 years old experiencing domestic violence who resides in the United States can petition for a civil protection order. A civil protection order is enforceable in all 50 states, as well as in Indian tribal lands, the District of Columbia and all U.S. territories(NCFFC, 2001). Many acts of domestic violence also violate local criminal law, and jurisdictions may pursue charges according to their statutes.