is Dear Abby right?

 


Read this column from Dear Abby, dated 7/7/2013. I will give you my response at the end.

DEAR ABBY: I was bullied from second grade all through school. In junior high the abuse was both emotional and physical, and it happened on a daily basis. My parents' response was that maybe I was the problem -- and if I wasn't, people would stop picking on me. (That's a letter for another day.)
What would have been my 10-year high school reunion was two weeks ago. Needless to say, I didn't go. Since the reunion, however, I have received more than 30 messages via Facebook from former classmates. It seems I was the main topic of conversation at the reunion, mainly because everyone apparently wanted to apologize to me.
Abby, I don't know how to respond to these people. While I don't doubt the sincerity of their apologies, I truly don't want to have any contact with them (even on Facebook). At the same time, I don't want to be rude and just ignore them.
So far, I haven't replied to any of their messages. I want to know if I must, and if so, what I should say? To be honest, I'd like to tell them all to go to hell, but I'm trying to be nice. -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: You do not have to say anything to any of these people, and you do not have to be nice. Silence sends a strong message, and it is the one I'm recommending.
Understand that by apologizing they are trying to make themselves feel better. It's also possible that maturity has caused them to realize what they did was wrong. However, you are not obligated to accept their apologies if doing so will make you feel worse.

Now...I would like to tell you why I DISAGREE with Abby's comment. First of all, this happened in school. We are all so young and ignorant during our school years. Sure, it hurt and maybe still hurts even now that others thought so little of you, BUT...we grow UP and move ON! What have you done to dispel those ghosts? You are in charge of your own validation, don't allow the old tapes from your past to play!

Second: Why would you want to carry this burden forever? THEY want to apologize! Whether it be for them or for whatever reason, the fact is...allow the apology to happen and then...let go! Forgiveness just may be what you need also! Why hold onto that past as a talisman? Once forgiven...drop that baggage! You never need to see them ever again...but for now...let's all be grown ups here! 

I know of what I speak. I was also belittled in school. I was too poor, too weird looking, I had a "weird religion" (I was a Jehovah's witness back then...thanks mom and dad...NOT!) so because of all that baggage, I was ripe for the picking! But...I didn't dwell on it. I learned to just walk away, I ignored them. I found something that I was good at and concentrated on it. Soon...others began to see me in a whole new light and as for the rest...well....school is NOT a popularity contest!!!

Forgiveness releases so much burden for all involved. As I said...why hang onto that stuff forever.
Today...seek out those whom you may have harmed by words or actions. Negotiate for peace. If you have BEEN wronged....accept the apology. Abby is right in that you don't have to become "BFF's" forever. However, it just may be the best thing that you can do!