what are YOU doing to stop bullying??

 





Bullying. According to Wikipedia, Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively to impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power. Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets. Justifications and rationalizations for such behavior sometimes include differences of class, race, religion, gender, sexuality, appearance, behavior, or ability.


Just this past week in Florida, a 12 year old girl who was mercilessly bullied committed suicide. Even after being pulled from school, two other girls stalked her through Facebook, until finally she couldn't handle the pain anymore and jumped to her death at an abandoned cement plant. Now, I can say many things about Facebook, many positive as well as negative. We cannot blame Facebook, however, for the eventual end. This girl who was bullied "could have" blocked" the others from seeing her page or her posts. It seems though, that the abuse began in school and, despite the school authorities knowing about it, it continued.

I won't place blame or even try to play "Monday morning quarterback" here because, after the fact, all of the "what ifs" in the world cannot bring back a life. What I will say is this:

Having worked with many children over the years, I have seen the shy, quiet ones. I have also seen the rough and rowdy ones. Heck, I was bullied in school myself, so I know of that which I speak. Kids are predators, like animals. In the animal kingdom, there are those who are picked on as well as those who do the picking. It's the survival of the fittest and the one with the most toys, wins, so to speak. But we are supposed to be thinking and feeling creatures, the ones with BRAINS and a HEART as well as COMMON SENSE! This is where the line gets drawn between an animal who must kill to survive and a human being.

These days, when it seems that humans need cyber connections to "get by" in this world, human contact is no longer a learned art. You either like someone...or don't...for any number of reasons. Too fat, too old, too young, too smart, not smart enough. Too rich, too poor, too black, too Asian, too this...too that...whatever choice is out there, we somehow do not seem to fit in with the status quo and thus, get pushed to a spot where we either fit in or crumble.

I did not crumble. In school, I learned to ignore the bullies, to walk away, to use humor to survive or tried to reason with the offender. I was resilient. In today's world, though, thanks to cyberspace, kids don't grow up learning to use resilience or empathy...that is, to walk in the shoes of another, to see the look of shock registering on the face of one they have wounded with their words or actions. They are locked into the world of texting and social media to make and keep friends. Again, as I have said before, when you are "friends" with someone on Facebook, will that person be there for you in the darkest hours of your life if needed? Chances are, some may--many will not!

Parents, YOU are the primary providers of your children, you have them for the first five years of their lives...what ARE YOU DOING to teach them about empathy...about socialization...about acceptance? This is where it begins, whether parents want to admit it or not! Is your child ready for social media at age 12 or 13? How is your child in general? Is he/she the quiet, shy type or someone who talks back to you and uses threats to get his/her own way? What forms of punishment do you use if goals aren't met in your home such as homework, chores or getting along with siblings?

My own kids, (I had four of them in five years) all got along with each other. Even now as adults, they turn to each other as a source of comfort, advice and just for hanging out. They never used words or actions as weapons. I made sure of that. I always showed them as well as told them, "how would YOU feel if that happened to you?" and this is all it takes! Put your young child in the shoes of another! "HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" Schools would do well to use this tragedy as an example to teach children that no matter what, words and actions can hurt as well as heal. What side of the coin would you, the child, want to be on??? We already are seeing what happens in politics when two parties can't even agree on a budget deal, they resort to tactics I have only seen in a school yard of kids! Appalling to say the least!

Why waste time...do it NOW! Before it's too late!