it's all about the child!

 



For six years, I worked with kids in a before and after school care setting. I saw so many kids with so many needs and I wondered, "just what goes on at home?" I had a pair of sisters who would start to cry every afternoon about 5:30 p.m. and I would ask them why the tears. The older girl replied, "mommy is home, but she is watching her soap operas and doesn't want to pick us up!" Huh? Watching TV instead of interacting with her kids? Sure enough, by 6 p.m. she would come sauntering in. Her daughters began to act out as the school year progressed. They wanted to be at home, not here and I understood why. When a parent's ACTIONS speak louder than words, it can set such a bad precedent. The one who once had held high esteem now comes across as being a hypocrite--and kids do not forget!

I had other children who witnessed sexual abuse, child abuse, parents who had them enrolled in every activity outside of school they could get them into, ignoring the fact that sometimes, kids just want to be kids and do "kid stuff," not being an overachiever because it's what mom or dad expect of them. I have had kids living out the life that the parent didn't have but had wanted to be. I have had kids who would ask for help with homework because no one at home would. I have had kids who just wanted a hug. Yes, a hug. They were starved for it. Oh, and a kind word, they would literally beam like a Christmas tree if they were simply recognized for just being themselves.

I had started my professional writing while working with these kids. When they found out that I was a "published author," they asked questions and became involved more with their own reading and writing skills. "Do you think that someday...I could write a book?" they would ask. I would encourage them daily to keep a journal and I would read to them from the books that I had published. In short, because I could see them from their level and accept them in the place they were in, they blossomed! It made me feel pretty good, too, knowing that I could help them to see that they were special, unique and valuable.

How about you, mom and dad? What do you do to help your kids to blossom? Think about it....do you snap and growl at them at every turn? Do you plop them in front of a TV and ignore them? I live in a townhome community now. On warm evenings, as I walk my dogs, I can hear the hum of activity in each home. I hear laughter coming from one, then the sharp staccato voice of an angry mom in another. I cringe...I have been there in that situation before. I could visualize the child also cringing as the words were lashed out, much like blows from a whip. In another, I could hear nothing but the quick action packed music from a television that flickered off of the wall. I shake my head....is this a common occurrence? In another, there is the beepbeepbeep of a microwave; a child is taking a small bowl out of it and eating alone. Mom must be late again, I think. Oh wait, it's 11:30 at night..where is mom? The child probably wonders the same thing. I have heard stories of kids who fight, argue and yell, because this is all they know and have witnessed. They roam the streets looking for adventure because they are bored. Adventure comes with a high price to pay. The saddest of all was the baby who cried every night from her room. and she cried so hard. Finally, her cries would fade. Mom was passed out again and couldn't hear her. Mom had a meth problem. Luckily in this case, mom sought help. Many are not so fortunate.

Life is so short. I see people who yearn for a child, because babies are so cute. You get a lot of attention when you walk into a room with a baby. But babies are also a lot of work. They cry. They poop. They pee. They burp. They get sick. They need to be held A LOT! You no longer have the life you wanted because a baby takes up so much time. They grow and still take up time. and where are you now? and more important...where is dad? A child NEEDS a dad. It took two to make that baby and now there is one. Where is dad? women who think it is sweet to have that baby and leave dad out of it--or maybe dad just didn't want any part of it has now left a very important spot blank. Kids need role models. How often does child see a grandparent? Who is your child's mentor? 

I know these questions seem extravagant, but you see, I am all for the child. I am all for a child growing up feeling secure, warm and loved. I am all for a child learning that he/she is a valued person. I am all for a child growing up so secure in this world so that when it comes time for that now grown up person to have kids of their own, that those kids also feel loved and secure. I am all for an extended family to oversee the needs of the child. I am all for this because I have never had this when I was growing up. I was one of those resilient ones who didn't become bitter, I became better, but it was through my own choosing. I did NOT want for my kids to grow up without love and comfort. I knew what it felt like to be without it. Yes, I made mistakes along the way, but those mistakes showed me what not to do again. My best memories are of my patriarchal grandmother. She was my role model, she showed me what I could be and didn't want to be. If not for her....I probably wouldn't be writing this now.
To my grandma, Ella...I love you and miss you. Oh...and thank you for helping me who I am today.