does God fulfill all of YOUR needs?
“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
A friend of mine posed this Bible passage to me in the form of a question. "If God supplies all of my needs, then why is it that my husband won't stop drinking? I need for him to be able to see the damage that he is doing, not only to his health, but also to our marriage. I am so very tired of his excuses, his denials, his episodes of passing out, his leaving everything for me to do, of all of it! I don't know whether I'd be better off with or without him, but I tell you this, I can't stand the path I am on right now!"
Huge sigh.
So many times, when I have been on the brink of certain disaster, I too have gone before God...in tears, in humility, in supplication. I beg His saints also to intercede for me. I cry. I plead. I am on bended knee. Many times, things have a way of working out. For instance, when my husband was without a job for almost nine months. At first, I panicked. I was angry. These are normal emotions because we are only human. We can't see into a murky future...all we CAN see are the due dates of bills and an almost empty refrigerator. But then, I "let go and let God." I gave the control over to Him. That is when the miracles began. Once a week, a mysterious someone left a bag of breads, rolls and other goodies on my doorstep. I asked myself, "what can I do to help us financially?" I advertised to be a dog sitter. Within a couple of months, I had more dogs in my house than I thought possible! I also did intermittent babysitting. It seemed that each time a bill was due, the exact amount came to be possible through those means. And on it went. We never went without...we had exactly what we needed. We weren't able to eat out, of course...luxuries were cast aside. And I was happy. God gave us this day, our daily bread, much like the manna from Heaven the Israelites had on their exodus.
I know of what this gal speaks, however. I am married to an alcoholic. I have been there and done that--I have crossed the roads and bridges that she is stalled on. All I can say is this: the "Serenity" prayer is what gets me through each day. You can bet the devil laughs when your husband trips up! Tell that devil to go straight to hell, that Jesus has your back! Rebuke the devil also for your husband's sake. It is so easy to give up on him. All we see is the here and now and the pain can be so hard to bear!! This does not mean that you should be a doormat! Far from it! But an alcoholic only knows that his body craves the hit it receives from drinking, much like a drug addict. What he needs to do is to RECOGNIZE that...and make an adjustment. Why does he drink? What can he do to not drink instead? You cannot change HIM, you can only change YOURSELF!
You can bet also that God DOES feel your pain! He DOES hear your pleas! He also is not a puppeteer. We all have freedom of choice--free will. God works in and through us, but we also need to do for ourselves. For you, this can mean Al-Anon. For those who drink, there are many ways to find support...either through a group, or whatever works. I know of those who quit cold turkey. It is when we ask God for help that help arrives. Your husband needs to ask for that help. He needs to WANT it...and then, to want to work through it.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs
3, 5-6
It is hard for me to see my husband drink. Oh, I have begged him to not do it. I have yelled, oh yes! I have ignored it. I have cried myself to sleep about it. I have also lain awake at night and begged God to help me to deal with it. Just as it is his cross to bear, so it is also mine. Maybe this is why I was brought to him, to be his support. So many alcoholics die alone, homeless and much younger than necessary because they have no one to look out for them.
What we need to realize is that alcoholism is an illness of the mind. It isn't the drinking that causes problems, it's the overdrinking. It isn't a sin to drink, why, even Jesus turned water into wine...do you think that He doesn't realize that too many people get caught up in this...and once mired in...they also need help to get back out?
I encourage all of you reading this to pray. Please pray for those who drink...that they can finally quit. To pray also for those who live with an alcoholic. To pray for the strength to take each day as it comes...one day at a time. That is all any of us have anyway--just this day. That was all I had when I worried about job issues for those many months. One day at a time. And God provided. He hears you....have you spoken to Him today? Tomorrow, I will discuss this subject more.
God grant me the
serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day
at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/Prayers/Protestant/Addiction/Serenity-Prayer.aspx#QljQmIr2KmZ52Tdf.99
Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
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Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/Prayers/Protestant/Addiction/Serenity-Prayer.aspx#QljQmIr2KmZ52Tdf.99
I am crying as I write this. Because you know the pain we feel, you can also lead us. Daily I live with the pain of being an alcoholic's wife. "Why do you stay?" is a question I hear often. Why not? He will suffer either way. This way, I can take on some of his suffering. I do go to Al-Anon. I keep busy so that his drinking is not the sole focus of my life. That is the important thing...keep busy! Keep praying. Keep hoping. Perhaps one day he will see the light. I don't believe that Jesus would abandon him. I only wish that my husband would open his eyes to see that!
ReplyDeletefor anyone to stay with a drunk is a damn fool. You deserve the pain you live with. Let them see that their drinking will be the cause of their loneliness! You don't need to be a martyr to their world! What a fool! Life is too short to be a pawn to anyone destroying their life!
ReplyDeleteIf you knew what we drunks go through, you would not say that. Get into our heads and see that many of us do not choose to ruin our life, let alone the lives of those around us! Do you know how often I struggled to NOT drink? I knew I could have been thrown out of my home! Yet the urge to drink was stronger! I knew that my wife was hurting, yet the lure of the booze was stronger! and when she died- at the hands of a drunk driver, along with my daughter, it was a wake up call for me! If not for this column, I'd be homeless. Rev saved me from certain hell, just because she cares. She does NOT judge! Have a heart. Read her book, "There, but for the Grace of God (plus a few good friends & family) Go I." You will see what she has been through! I have been sober for 187 days. It can be done. Don't give up on us.
ReplyDeleteDrinking vs not drinking/doing drugs vs not doing drugs...I think about the people who stand by the ones they see destroying themselves and I also see THEM being destroyed. I is such a topic for discussion. I guess what it comes down to is just this: you know yourself best. If a situation gets to be too much, you have to make that choice. I cannot live your life, that is for sure, Reverend Baum. But if you feel strong enough to do that, then may the good God be with you. You'll know when it is time to walk away, if you need to. Even if it's just for awhile. The only thing I get concerned about is when an alcoholic chooses to drink AND drive!! It is then that they drag others into their circle. Many have been killed in this way. I would hope that you do not advocate that we stick up for them then.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I agree with Andy. When I was in high school and the world was young, I thought I was invincible. I thought, "nahh, this won't hurt ME!" So, I did what I wanted to WHEN I wanted to and F*** life! Well, after several DWI's that pretty much screwed up any chance at getting into a good college, let alone have a good job, I eventually settled on working at a burger joint, taking sh*t from people. I kept drinking because hey, what else did I have to do, right? I became so bitter. I hated life, I hated people and I hated myself most of all. I came across that book that Andy mentioned and saw that wow, there was someone else like me, could have been MY story (way to go, rob!) but then it hit me. Did I want o be an asshole all my life? By now, I'd had a couple of kids by a couple of sleazey women. Now what? I am now 47 years old and the world doesn't look so bright anymore. Oh and I am still at that same burger joint. I manage it, but still have no real respect for the pain I caused my family and friends. I am no role model for my kids. In short, I still am hatin' on life. I do go to AA....but I fall short. To all who read this post, don't be like me. Be responsible. If I could see what I know now, sh*t, I'd have changed a long time a go.
ReplyDeleteIt's not too late. You can still change. Your attitude first, then your life second. You're 48? You're halfway through life. Make today a new start. I'll be praying for you!
Delete