two words for you: Domestic Abuse

 

  Mother of Perpetual Help, heal those who cause others suffering and death for their own selfish ends; change their self-centeredness into love.

Two words: domestic abuse. What images do you see or think about when you hear of a man beating up on a woman? If you are like many, you tsk-tsk and think, "why doesn't she get out of there!?" If you're a man, you may think, "she probably had it coming!" or else "why is this even such a big deal?"

Am I right?

In the news, we have heard of an NFL football player, video of which has made the rounds on social media and the news, punching his wife in an elevator and then, watching her prone form on the floor at his feet. He was then seen dragging her body off the elevator.

I have received responses from people who feel this is a blown up affair, a lover's quarrel, no business of anyone's but the intended, and much more. I cringe. I get a lump in my throat. Maybe what we should ask ourselves is this: "what we can we as a society do for the both of them? Why is it just "her fault?" Why do we think, "if she really wanted to, she could just leave?" I'll tell you:

Many reasons, one of which is fear of the unknown. Fear of: "if I leave, what will he do to me? Will he pursue me? What about my kids? How will I live?"
 Many women buy into the verbal abuse. The words that had told her that she was "no good." That she would "never amount to anything." That she is "fat." That she is "lucky to have HIM, because no one else would have her!" That she "made him so mad, he had to hit her." That "he will come after her and he will kill her if she gets caught." And so much more.

So....why does she stay? Why can't she leave should be the main question. What can society do to make it easier for her to leave and begin again on her own?

She needs to know that she has value and worth. That is the main focus. Because if she knows she is validated, she will have power to take the second step. She will be able to formulate a plan. Gals, I tell you...YOU HAVE VALUE! YOU ARE LOVED...YOU NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF!!
She needs an escape route, she needs to be able to support herself. She needs to be able to look herself in the mirror and say, "ENOUGH! I will NOT take this crap from him ANYMORE! NEVER AGAIN!!!!"

Ok....guys, you aren't off of the hook either. It is NOT Ok to hit a woman. NO MATTER WHAT! EVER! I don't care if she's a bitchy person, if she cheated on you, if...any excuse you put out there, you never hit a woman. PERIOD! Why is it so much about power and control anyway? What have you done or seen in your lifetime that makes you think that you can do this--and get away with it? Why must you feel that a person can be controlled like an animal? If YOU want to be loved, you also need to be loveable. You need to respect yourself first. You need to have empathy within your heart. You need to know that you also have options. If you get so mad at what you say is her bitchy attitude, walk away from it for awhile. Find an outlet for your rising anger. Did you have turbulence during your younger years? A controlling parent, teacher, coach  or babysitter? Did you witness things that you felt could be controlled with more control and anger?

I am also aware that abuse can be woman vs man as well. This is less discussed. Men are to be seen as strong, not weak. Women are to be seen as nurturing, not bullying. But it happens. In both cases, however, there are so many who willingly walk into a relationship with the thought of "I can change/fix her/him!" Am I right? But change needs to come from within ourselves. You can't change another person, you can only lead by example. So...what kind of example are you setting in your life? Are you loveable...or a tyrant?

Are there any "right" answers? Not yet. If you know of someone who is in an abusive situation, let them know that you are available to do something. Don't be the one who sits in shocked disgust when the situation is played out on the nightly news with unfortunate results. If we can save just one life...isn't this worth the effort?

Note: I have written a book about domestic abuse. Titled "50 to Life," it is available through www.amazon.com or www.barnesandnoble.com in both paperback as well as Kindle and NOOK.


If you need help, please reach out. The number for the domestic abuse hotline is:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD)

or go to this website for more detailed help:   domestic abuse hotline help <---click here