I would do it all over again

I visited with my adult kids this past weekend. It was just a brief overnight visit, trying to get everything done in a short time frame- saying everything I had wanted to tell them, asking questions I had been meaning to ask whenever I spoke with them on the phone, but didn't.. Although I was so overjoyed at seeing them and my three grandsons as well, I felt sad that we couldn't all spend more time together, as some had work obligations or other things to occupy their time.

On the three hour journey back home, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was once again leaving my kids behind! It hurt like no pain I have ever felt. As the miles between us grew, so did my sorrow. "Why did no one tell me this when I said 'I do'....about the times when we watch our children grow up and grow away and the feelings of loss that accompany that?" I wondered. Why is there no reference manual for when our children hurt and we can't do anything except to be there for them? Why do we want for them to grow up so fast, yet when they do, we want to recapture those moments when they were younger? Why is it so hard to let go, even when we can see that they know exactly what they are doing and are doing it very well? "How do I do this, Lord," I prayed, "how do I just drive away with promises of, 'I'll see you in a few months!?'"

It's like the scene in the movie "Born Free." That scene in which a couple is trying to rehabilitate a lioness to the wild from her once tame state, with very little success initially. The husband asked his wife, "you want her wild, but not too wild, so that she will come back every now again and you can see her, isn't that right?" Her reply was, "I just want for her to be free! Is freedom so much to ask for?"

And that's what I feel...I want for my kids to be free, I want them to know what it's like being an adult...to go to bed when they want, to do what they want...but it would be nice also to recapture what we had when they were pre-schoolers. At the end of the movie, when the lioness successfully joined with a male lion and had her own three cubs, it was with a bittersweet feeling of satisfaction, but also laced with sorrow, that what the couple had set out to do...was in fact, done. They could feel proud, that what they had been told couldn't be done, was in fact, a done deal. I always start crying at that part...as I cried now with the miles growing ever wider between me and my kids.

And yes, I do feel proud...that despite the sorrows, we also had joys. That what I had set out to do as a mom was, in fact, done. I realized that my kids were just like me...responsible, competent and overall, happy.

It's the circle of life. Oh, the joys! Oh...the memories! Oh....what will the future bring?
Thank you, God....for being there for me then...and here for us all now.
Amen!