did you sow a little bit of love today?

 "Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone's face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come."  ~Henri Nouwen




Time marches on. As we grow older, we see the errors that we have made in years gone by much more clearly. We slap ourselves upside the head and groan, "awww, why did I have to do THAT?" We then spend our days going over and over...and over what happened in great detail, wondering just how we ever got to THIS point, because we sure as heck weren't very smart at THAT point, weren't we?

Is this you? Because I look back and also have those days when it hits me what an idiot I was for ever having come up with some of the ideas I did. The people I hung out with, the places I have been to...what WAS I thinking??  huge sigh.

It is said that forgiveness is the answer. Forgive yourself and move on. After all, making a mistake is how we learn from the past. Ever touch a hot pot and burn yourself? Yup, we all have...so we learned what not to do next time and what we can do to avoid that particular pain.

When I was growing up, I had more pain than I could shake a stick at. I remember asking God, "why do I have to feel this, to go through this?" Then as I grew into my 20's and 30's, more pain...more questions, more of me asking God, "can you take this one away as well? Can I just go through a day without dealing with some emotional issue" that brought me grief?

Well, yes, God could have done that. He is God, after all! He can do anything! But just as it is with a parent who watches a baby learn to walk, with all of it's bumps and falls, so it is as we grow. It is those lessons of falling down, but them getting back up that teaches us where we are solid...and where we need to grow and become stronger. A tree, when hit hard enough, will also develop a scar. Over time, that scar hardens and although visible, can make the tree stronger as branches will grow around it, and continue to grow. That scar is evidence of what the tree endured.

Our physical scars diminish over time to  something that we may need to look for to even notice it. The emotional scars can also last a life time; those are harder for us to deal with, but in order to grow from it, we must accept it, learn from it and then we move on. To remain fixated on it can mean we become stunted in our growth. The same is true of past mistakes...by living our lives as if we are still at a younger age can also stunt our growth. Maybe our friends have moved beyond the point of "Animal House" joviality. We may have had our fun, raised some eyebrows among the parents, but we learned, we grew, we moved on--at least, it is hoped that we matured over the years. Once cannot remain foolish forever!  Maybe that moving on requires some forgiveness for past debts that we incurred on another. If that is the case, go, seek forgiveness. The true test of maturity is realizing that we can't hold on to the past. We can't keep pointing out the pain and say, "look at what happened to me! How can I go on from here when all of that occurred?" I see it all the time at funerals, people who regret the past, its pain and the fact that they didn't have the time to make it up to the deceased. "Why didn't I...?" is a common theme. Life is a lesson that we look back on, move forward from and to not use those issues as a talisman to get back at another, to remain mired in the pain, in the sorrows, in the anger and bitterness. If there are toxic people who need to remain behind you, then so be it. If one has tried but gets rebuffed, it is healthier to let go. But let go in love...not in anger, not in hate, not in revenge.