follow your heart...

Follow your heart, but be silent for awhile first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart. ~Author unknown

Last week, I mowed my yard one evening, then when I finished, grabbed a glass of lemon tea and went to sit on my deck. I heard a small silent Voice within me that said,"move your chair!" I looked at the chair I was going to use and thought, "why? It's fine right where it is..." then gave it another thought and, with a shrug, moved the chair, then moved it again. I sat down, savored the first few sips of the tea as I watched the sun play through the leaves on the trees when  WHAM! Out of nowhere, a baseball slammed with great force onto my deck, bouncing right where my chair had been, then bounced again into my yard, about 20 yards away!

I sat there, stunned. 

"Move your chair..."

How often has this happened to you? That small Voice you get that gives you warning, that tiny gut feeling that says something isn't right, that intuition that tells you that perhaps this isn't the destination of your life after all?

I get them...a lot!

There was the time, back in the summer of 2008, when I heard that Voice, an urgent warning to flee a situation that I was in. This was during a time when I had told God that I had things in my life under control and that I didn't need Him.

Oh how wrong I was! 

That Voice that warned me one last time...well, it sort of stopped warning me. And as I got in deeper and deeper, I floundered. Then crashed.

My life by now was an empty shell of what it had been. I had chosen a wrong path and only finally admitted it when it was too late.

Or was it?

When I finally realized my errors, I cried out to God, "save me!"

I begged Him, "I can't see You!"

I was morose. Morose is even worse than sad, much worse than feeling alone. It was "help me, it is so dark in here and I can't see!"

I floundered there for quite some time. Each day, every moment, pleading, apologizing, begging.

It was a silent feeling of suffocation and fear.

Looking back, however, I can see that I wasn't alone. God was with me that whole way. Just as human parents do, He allowed me to flounder, to understand that it was through a series of bad choices that I got myself into the situation that I did. And, through another series of choices, I found my way out of the maze I was caught in. Finally, daylight! Finally, Forgiveness! Finally...acceptance once more!

You can bet that I listen to that small, still Voice now, even when it is something so simple as "move your chair!"

That tiny effort probably saved me from being hit full on by a baseball, perhaps causing injury.  By the way, the neighbor boy who did it apologized sincerely. I laughed it off, continued sipping my tea and gave thanks that I am cared for by such a loving Parent.

Amen and thank you, Lord, for everything.