random thoughts.....

I am sitting here at 3 a.m. with a cup of coffee, nursing a migraine. I have been contemplating the events of the past few weeks and wondering...when will people "get it?' When is that big "ah-HA!" moment? At what age do we suddenly wake up and see that the world does not revolve around US, but rather, we all revolve around each other?

Sometimes even the minister doesn't have all the answers, so I put my queries out there...hoping to be inspired by others...and I am open to all possibilities. One has to be open minded!

My oldest son has just married a woman who has taken a dislike to me. She feels I have betrayed the memory of her former father-in-law by remarrying. I have tried to explain to her what happened in my first marriage and why I had to leave it, to no avail. In her mind, she is right, and I am not. She has said she will never get along with me because I haven't tried to get along with her, although that has never been the case. Because I don't see life "her way," I will never be right.

 Case two: son #2 who is 22, is feeling the strains of life. He hates his service industry job, he hates the responsibilities of paying rent, his roomie is moving out and instead of assuming responsibility to find either another job to pay rent or another roomie, he wants to move back in with me. Keep in mind he is a party animal, had no desire to help me with bills or upkeep of the house when he lived here up until last year. I finally told him the best gift I could give to him for his 21st birthday was his freedom. I told him with love how I knew he could survive. And he did, for awhile. Now that I have rejected his bid to come back home, he hurled out words of hate, saying I have always treated him bad while he was growing up. Why? Because I have done what the birds, the bees and the lions have done for millenia: I pushed him out of the nest.

Case number three: I have a neighbor who, when I first moved into my home fourteen years ago, decided she was my newest 'best friend.' At first I helped her out whenever she needed something, be it money, a ride to wherever or diapers for her kids. I cleaned her house many times when she was sick or in the hospital due to her CP. Then she took advantage, calling at any hour, and no longer asking, but telling me that I was going to take her "here," or do something for her "when." I finally had to pull away. No one can take advantage of us without our consent, right?  I have just been "neighborly" with her since, greeting her when I see her, but  otherwise, maintaining a distance. Someone she had been seeing had  slowly dwindled his time with her and she asked me why he didn't talk to her anymore. I said, "well, ask him and see what he says." He was nice enough to say he just wasn't ready yet for a relationship. So in her frustration, she took it out on me, saying how everyone in her life just moved away from her, including me, and she couldn't understand why.  

So after all this, I was reading a friend's post about a good friend of hers who had just passed away from cancer and I thought to myself, "why? Why do some people not realize how valuable each one of us is in the great scheme of things we know as life? Why is it always at the deathbed or casket that we suddenly hear, "I should have been there, I should have been nicer? If only I had more time... why did I say those things?" or more important..."why DIDN'T I say those things...?" such as "I love you, I appreciate you...I am glad you are in my life!" Why do the selfish things in our lives come first, people second? When was the last time you gave your kids a hug? When was the last time you took your elderly parents out for a day to do anything THEY wanted? When was the last time you took someone's hand in yours and said, "I'm glad I have this time with you?"

We know we have time...we just don't know how much time we have! 

Because I was thinking that....as the words from son #2 echoed in my head...how he said he is "done" with me, and more words that I can't even print here, because it hurts me to even think it. And when will he realize...when does anyone realize...just how foolish they have been?