it can never be said enough.............
I wrote this entry for a web site called Divine Caroline in reference to a young woman who I knew was being abused by her boyfriend back in 2008. I am amazed at the responses that I still receive from it, which means that abuse against women is still as prevalent as ever. However, women now have support that didn't exist way back when, for which I am thankful. Please read and share. If you know of someone in an abusive situation, please help them! Don't assume they have it all under control. If there are children involved, it behooves you to act IMMEDIATELY! Call police or social services. The life you save...is an incredible one! and now:
Amy is a young gal whom I met at work.
She has a wining personality and is kind to all she meets. She is three
months into her first pregnancy and going through all the angst about
everything, which I, having four kids, have been more than happy to
answer to.
Unfortunately, the father of Amy’s baby already has three kids for his own and was none too happy to hear of baby number four. It became turbulent in their relationship, for which Amy always had an excuse to cover.
One night, she didn’t show up at work. Normally, if a worker at the restaurant where I work doesn’t show up and we can’t reach them, it’s usually the end of their job. I was very concerned, as was the manager. For over ten days she kept checking back, at one point reaching Amy’s boyfriend on his cell phone, inquiring as to Amy’s whereabouts. He became belligerent, stating that he didn’t want anyone to call on his cell, and had no forwarding information about Amy. We all became even more worried. Was she dead somewhere…? We had no way of knowing.
Finally, on a snowy early evening, we received a call at the restaurant. It was Amy, calling from a town over three hours away. Apparently, her boyfriend took her there and left her, just abandoned her! She had no money, no way of getting home and was depending on the kindness of a stranger until she could get enough money together to come back to the city. I looked at the manager after she hung up.
“Surely she won’t be going back to her boyfriend!” I said , shock all over my features.
“In fact, she is,” Deb replied quietly.
I was stunned. The question of Why? kept running through my head. I had been in an abusive marriage for 25 years. Eventually I gained strength to walk away, I had to. I had nothing to my name except my integrity and I managed to survive.
The rest of the evening passed in a blur. Amy was on my mind the whole night, even as I navigated the snowy roads back home. What must she have been going through, with that precious baby she carried within her? What must she be thinking now, I wondered. I envisioned taking her aside and talking with her. Then I remembered well meaning people doing that with me when I had been married. I pooh poohed their intentions. I knew better, I reasoned. He wouldn’t hurt me AGAIN! I argued. Yet he did, over and over, until I gathered up the courage one sunny morning and fought back, with everything I had. I mean, I literally fought back, at one point grabbing a knife and shoving it full force at his chest. It missed. I broke dishes, I yelled insults, I hurled his things in the trash. Then I moved out, with only $1200.00 in the bank, enough for two months rent. I had a job, I had a desire to live- unfettered by his guilt trips and garbage.
Two years later I am here, I am strong. I have survived.
I want to tell Amy all of this. That yes, it looks dark, but the light will shine, she will survive.
I so want to see Amy succeed as well. I so want her baby to have a better life than what my kids witnessed me endure for way too long.
I want this because I have been there…and I care.
If you are in the same situation, please….get OUT!!! Save yourself! You are Not being selfish…you are merely saving not only your life, but perhaps the lives of your children as well. I implore you…make that move. If you know of someone in this predicament, be there, and help her to help herself.
Unfortunately, the father of Amy’s baby already has three kids for his own and was none too happy to hear of baby number four. It became turbulent in their relationship, for which Amy always had an excuse to cover.
One night, she didn’t show up at work. Normally, if a worker at the restaurant where I work doesn’t show up and we can’t reach them, it’s usually the end of their job. I was very concerned, as was the manager. For over ten days she kept checking back, at one point reaching Amy’s boyfriend on his cell phone, inquiring as to Amy’s whereabouts. He became belligerent, stating that he didn’t want anyone to call on his cell, and had no forwarding information about Amy. We all became even more worried. Was she dead somewhere…? We had no way of knowing.
Finally, on a snowy early evening, we received a call at the restaurant. It was Amy, calling from a town over three hours away. Apparently, her boyfriend took her there and left her, just abandoned her! She had no money, no way of getting home and was depending on the kindness of a stranger until she could get enough money together to come back to the city. I looked at the manager after she hung up.
“Surely she won’t be going back to her boyfriend!” I said , shock all over my features.
“In fact, she is,” Deb replied quietly.
I was stunned. The question of Why? kept running through my head. I had been in an abusive marriage for 25 years. Eventually I gained strength to walk away, I had to. I had nothing to my name except my integrity and I managed to survive.
The rest of the evening passed in a blur. Amy was on my mind the whole night, even as I navigated the snowy roads back home. What must she have been going through, with that precious baby she carried within her? What must she be thinking now, I wondered. I envisioned taking her aside and talking with her. Then I remembered well meaning people doing that with me when I had been married. I pooh poohed their intentions. I knew better, I reasoned. He wouldn’t hurt me AGAIN! I argued. Yet he did, over and over, until I gathered up the courage one sunny morning and fought back, with everything I had. I mean, I literally fought back, at one point grabbing a knife and shoving it full force at his chest. It missed. I broke dishes, I yelled insults, I hurled his things in the trash. Then I moved out, with only $1200.00 in the bank, enough for two months rent. I had a job, I had a desire to live- unfettered by his guilt trips and garbage.
Two years later I am here, I am strong. I have survived.
I want to tell Amy all of this. That yes, it looks dark, but the light will shine, she will survive.
I so want to see Amy succeed as well. I so want her baby to have a better life than what my kids witnessed me endure for way too long.
I want this because I have been there…and I care.
If you are in the same situation, please….get OUT!!! Save yourself! You are Not being selfish…you are merely saving not only your life, but perhaps the lives of your children as well. I implore you…make that move. If you know of someone in this predicament, be there, and help her to help herself.
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