life...we take it for granted
Today my husband came home from work with the announcement: "I have some good news and some bad news." I waited for him to finish. "A co-worker died. I now have his route permanently." I gasped. This co-worker, another truck driver, had back surgery just after Christmas. Then came complications with his kidney. He passed away when his heart just stopped. He was not much older than I am. It has stayed with me ever since.
There are those who distance themselves from friends and family for whatever reason. They feel they have the upper hand. "I'll contact them...whenever." or "I'll never speak to them EVER again!" or "I don't have time right now, I'll talk to them tomorrow." Except that tomorrow comes, then another tomorrow, then months or years go by. Relations are strained, friendships torn apart...then that person suddenly dies. Now we have the funeral and the regrets. I have said this before: life is too short! We only have the here and NOW! If you need to forgive, do it NOW! If you have words to say, say it NOW! Even if it's "I love you," say it! Why wait? What is the gain in that? Tomorrow may be too late.
My life with my folks was NOT easy, if you have read my blogs, you know that. Yet when my mom was dying, I was right there. I told her I forgave her. She lingered for three weeks. For me, it was the longest three weeks of my life. Only three days before she went into a coma, she finally told me she loved me. My dad? He was a 'chicken shit wussy' most of my life. Yes, he taught me many things, but he also was too weak to stand up to my mother when he saw her abuse me. Yet, he and I made up as well in the months before he died. Why let wounds fester? I was told by someone, "first you said he was abusive towards you, then you say he taught you this and you miss him and all that! I have no idea what to believe any more!" Well...believe this: life is too short to NOT forgive, to NOT make amends, to allow pain to linger well past death. Mend those fences now, say those words NOW-- while the other person can hear and respond. To speak at a slab of cement and a headstone of granite isn't doing anyone any good later on.
"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
to all who have already lost someone...don't let time and "obligations" take you away from the ones you love. I learned the hard way---say it NOW...because tomorrow is too late! The only obligations you have..is to the friends and family who love you!
ReplyDeletehey rob...so sorry for the loss you suffered through. This ol man here got your back, thinking of ya, man...hang in.
ReplyDeleteI've had a rough week and need to do some venting here. It seems to be a good place to do that sometimes!
ReplyDeleteI've lost not just 1, but 2 friends this week. Both passed away a day apart. And I've been accused of terroristic threats. These friends were not the people I have woken up with under the kitchen table, but people I've known for years and laughed with. Just friends who will be missed.
To do my venting, I need to tell a couple of stories. You need to know the first one to understand the second one - so if you wish, bear with me and read on.
The first story is about rob and the Rev. Both had previous marriages. Me, rob, married just after high school because I got a girl pregnant and had to do the right thing. I tried to make it work, but it lasted 3 years and ended badly. And for the next 20+ years I told anyone who would listen I would never marry again, many of them 4 or 5 times!, and I would use women for my pleasure and leave them out in the cold. Determined to die an un-married grumpy old man. And I had all that knew me convinced it would end that way.
The Rev. married at 17 to get out of her house because of an abusive mother and a father who would only look the other way about it. And it didn't take long for the abuse to begin again from her new hubby. And it kept getting worse. For 20 + years the Rev took both physical and mental abuse, yet stayed with this monster until one night, in another of his drunken rages, he threw an iron skillet across the room and just missed hitting her in the head and had to settle for an average beating. This is when Diane decided it had to end, leave or be killed. As I've said before, if you are in an abusive relationship, it is time to end it. But she toughed it out for many more years than she should have. He abused her mentally and physically and even went so far as to flaunt his affairs with other women in her face! So she put a plan in action and eventually divorced him.
And, 3 years later, the man determined to die an unmarried grumpy old man (me) put and ad out on a website looking for another long term serious relationship that would last the weekend before I would tire of her and dump her along with all the others. Never marry again! Women were disposable - use and toss out. Diane replied to this and after the usual chats and emails we hooked up. After the first weekend, I tried to do my usual routine of getting rid of her, but for some reason it didnt work. And sudddenly it was a month,then 2, and I realized what love really was. All this turned out to be where we are now. A happily married couple! It could be the Brady Bunch retold if it weren't for a few kids on both sides, who are in their 20's, married with kids of their own who act like very spoiled 7 year olds. Onward through the fog with that crap! But we are as happy as can be with kids who don't want their parents to be happy, I guess. Stay tuned for part 2.
wow...rob...what a story! and it reinforces what the Rev said...regrets? yeah you've had more than enough. But look, you have a wife who LOVES you--geez...if this isn't the best love story...unfortunately you endured pain for it and from it. I pray your kids can see the beauty you two share. Good luck!
ReplyDeletewow...dude...if I ever admitted all this about MY g-friend, I'd be out on my ass! To want to use and then dump a babe..? are you serious? you are one damn lucky mo-fo....she stayed...she sounds perfect to me....you are lucky...most women would have slapped ya first then took off.
ReplyDeleteApparently my comments now need to be approved by someone before posting them! So I will use this reply spot to continue on. All will understand this when I am finished.
ReplyDeleteFirst, Thank You Andy, Im gonna drop the W, I think we are close enough for that now! Its tough getting old, as Im sure you know! I've estimated your age to be around early 50's, is that even close? You can call me rob!! Ha!
Anyhow - on with the story (being reviewed by someone.)
The Rev. and I married and most were happy about it, minus a few.
Some have decided to be Judge, Jury and Executioner for The Rev.,Diane's, crime of leaving an abusive relationship that lasted for years. Far too long for anyone who is being abused! FAR TOO LONG! Some seem to think Diane should have stayed in that relationship until she was beaten to death! And continue to do anything and everything that is possible to it to make sure Diane is miserable in whatever way she can make it! This world is becoming a sad place, but that's another story! (And people such as those I speak of seem to be taking over! FIGHT BACK AMERICA!!!)
Anyway, said folks have been a headache since The Rev and I hooked up. Seems to think Diane would be better off beaten to death than be happy. This is a headache we cant rid ourselves of with an aspirin! And WHY!? These individuals seems to think it would be better for Diane to stay with that rather than to leave something such as that ,and then, hook up with something like me! I haven't even raised my voice to the Rev. since we met, for crying out loud!
And if you should confront these individuals with the facts, NOT accusations, but the FACTS of their actions, suddenly they are the victims! And DEMAND apologies! SH*T!
After pondering my thoughts for my daily 10 hour drives, and after a friend, or 2, dies, one ponders deep and hard. I have decided to quit wasting my time and effort on anger and hate and replace it with pity and sorrow for these individuals. I have pity for anyone who has nothing better to do with their (self chosen) lives than to try to cause misery for others and pain for someone by their actions and inactions and words. How pathetic that life must be!!
To the persons of whom I speak, when you read this, (and I know it will because it is constantly looking for ways to do harm)May God Bless You just a little bit more than others, for you certainly do need it!
Amen.
Ok. I've vented. Thanks Andy for your space!
Eleven years ago, Rob wrote the above comment. Since then, my life has changed drastically in that he died in 2021. He died and his kids never did recover from their tantrum of "me or HER, but you can't have us BOTH!" He never got to see or know his grandkids as they were growing up. His adult kids knew he was ill with COPD, but that didn't stop their tantrum, no matter how often I would remind them his time was short, he was dying, no, instead they waited UNTIL he died, then accused me of keeping him from them. They were fueled by their aunt's desire to meddle after I told her repeatedly to stay OUT of it, no, she thought she knew better and made the situation worse. In his last month's, Rob said he wished she never did get involved and that the situation with his kids was beyond repair. His family turned on me after he died, they being selfish and wanting practically everything he owned, including one godawful, ugly ceramic pig. I couldn't believe the fight over that thing and I reckoned it only had to be because it was the only thing his kids would have remembered from when they were young and thus, his sister in law, the same aunt who meddled, wanted to give it to them under the guise of wanting it for herself. I did one better, I broke it into tiny pieces. No one deserves anything that had any reminder of Rob, as karma for what they ALL put him through! Rob's words of forgiveness though...I try to keep telling myself this...of how some people are just born to be selfish and others, selfless. Rob was the latter, the rest of them, the former. "To the persons of whom I speak, when you read this, (and I know it will because it is constantly looking for ways to do harm)May God Bless You just a little bit more than others, for you certainly do need it!
ReplyDeleteAmen." May God bless you, Rob, your heart was so big...and like Vincent van Gogh, no one understood the depth of your love for others and life...because, unless it involved them and their selfish desires, it just wasn't good enough.