"keeping the peace"...when do we say, "enough?"
Christmas is just days away. You're probably planning family and friend get togethers and dreading some of them...admit it. How much of "you" should you expend to "keep the peace?"
Ahh, keeping the peace. I did that--for 45 years of my life. I kept the peace because my dad asked me to, when my mom was abusing me on a daily basis. All he did was to shake his head and tell me to "keep the peace." (So wishing that instead he stood up for me...validated me...)
Moved on to marriage. Again, kept the peace through everything that I was handed. It was a very unhealthy situation to be in. I became a doormat. Needless to say, the lessons of the past have taught me a lot.
How much do you need to accept and when should you just back away and move on? I preach about resolution, but when do the attempts at making peace become as futile as banging your head against a brick wall? A priest once told me, "you walk into the lion's den knowing it will hurt you, yet you also keep returning. Why?" It is no longer a healthy situation if all it does is leads to stress for you!
I saw this post on Facebook today and want to post it here. The one who posted it admonishes us that we stay positive, in as many ways as possible. Why allow others to steal your light and positive energy away? Life is so full of good opportunities...maybe the negative ones need to be passed over?
Here it is....maybe you will also take something away with you and savor it for the next weeks when once again, a friend or relative has you backed into the proverbial corner:
"Good
night! What did we learn today? Resolution is a great thing.
Personal diplomacy is a beautiful thing too. My father, Robert, Earl,
was big on these issues. he often gave me this advice...
Hear people out. Let them express their displeasure in us. Give them the floor, and listen. Then, listen some more. Always keep a cool head and make your decisions on a good nights sleep. Sound, sage advice from the old "Link", as his friends called him.
But here is the reality. Some people, no matter how much we attempt to reason with them, they will not comply or compromise. I think that ratio is maybe one in one hundred. When we work out the averages, the math seems to support this.
Now.........this next one is a simple fact. Guess what....not everybody is going to like us! Man, oh man, did I spend an awful lot of my years wanting everybody to like me. This need to be "Liked", is very natural. But, we must be very careful not to let it cloud our judgement. Its a killer. Changing who we really are to fit someone else's needs, is a fruitless mission fraught with emotional land mines! BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
When we spend too much time trying to please the wrong people, we in turn become less patient with the ones we love. We find ourselves drained of energy almost all of the time. And in turn, we have nothing to give our family, but anger and frustration.
The way I finally got around this "wanting everybody to like me Syndrome" was becoming chronically ill with an incurable disease! I know, it sounds funny doesn't it? All of my energy had to go into simply keeping myself alive. It was a case of God grabbing ahold of me and shaking me into listening to him!
And....I listened. Ever so carefully. And that break from the Syndrome was all that I needed to head in the other, more positive direction.
Now days managing my disease, takes most of what I have. So I pick and choose carefully from the "Drama Buffet". Drama still creeps in. It throws me into a tailspin every so often. But I am a much choosier diner at the Buffet now days. I still do care if people like me. But, I won't allow myself to waste weeks and months on people who never had my best interest in mind........Ever! Bub Bye~
Since I have a limited energy level, it is much easier to tell "The Stinkers" to go and take a long walk off of a short pier. If you get my drift.
Now days its about getting to the people who love me, understand me and need me with a clear, honest heart! There you go. I got my big boy pants on now days! And most of the time these days....I'm a happy camper. So remember.....dine lightly at the "Drama Buffet"!"
Hear people out. Let them express their displeasure in us. Give them the floor, and listen. Then, listen some more. Always keep a cool head and make your decisions on a good nights sleep. Sound, sage advice from the old "Link", as his friends called him.
But here is the reality. Some people, no matter how much we attempt to reason with them, they will not comply or compromise. I think that ratio is maybe one in one hundred. When we work out the averages, the math seems to support this.
Now.........this next one is a simple fact. Guess what....not everybody is going to like us! Man, oh man, did I spend an awful lot of my years wanting everybody to like me. This need to be "Liked", is very natural. But, we must be very careful not to let it cloud our judgement. Its a killer. Changing who we really are to fit someone else's needs, is a fruitless mission fraught with emotional land mines! BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
When we spend too much time trying to please the wrong people, we in turn become less patient with the ones we love. We find ourselves drained of energy almost all of the time. And in turn, we have nothing to give our family, but anger and frustration.
The way I finally got around this "wanting everybody to like me Syndrome" was becoming chronically ill with an incurable disease! I know, it sounds funny doesn't it? All of my energy had to go into simply keeping myself alive. It was a case of God grabbing ahold of me and shaking me into listening to him!
And....I listened. Ever so carefully. And that break from the Syndrome was all that I needed to head in the other, more positive direction.
Now days managing my disease, takes most of what I have. So I pick and choose carefully from the "Drama Buffet". Drama still creeps in. It throws me into a tailspin every so often. But I am a much choosier diner at the Buffet now days. I still do care if people like me. But, I won't allow myself to waste weeks and months on people who never had my best interest in mind........Ever! Bub Bye~
Since I have a limited energy level, it is much easier to tell "The Stinkers" to go and take a long walk off of a short pier. If you get my drift.
Now days its about getting to the people who love me, understand me and need me with a clear, honest heart! There you go. I got my big boy pants on now days! And most of the time these days....I'm a happy camper. So remember.....dine lightly at the "Drama Buffet"!"
What a tightrope! I still don't know how to handle a family member who insists that I communicate with him...he also just saps my energy away! I wish that I had clearer answers!
ReplyDeleteBetty, best thing to do is to have it out with him/her. No good will come from holding it in. Say: "you are stealing my energy away. You do (name it) and I feel like (name it) when you do." At that point, it now becomes THEIR responsibility to either change...or let go of the relationship that you have. Life is too short to live in a cage of another's making. Pray for understanding...pray for hope that maybe they will see themselves in a clearer light and that something positive will happen. Good luck!
DeleteThere will always be those who choose to keep the peace...then there is the extreme who just cut everyone out of their lives. Where is that happy middle?
ReplyDeleteEven Jesus told his followers that if the people of a town don't want to hear what they had to say, to shake the dust off their feet and to move on.
ReplyDeleteI always espouse reconciliation, however, if one is in a relationship (or trying to preserve one) that has a lot of grief, pain, and has one or the other party being made to feel "less than," perhaps it is time to take a second look at it. I always keep the ones who have hurt me in the past in prayer. You just never know...God has plans for them. It may be tomorrow, it may be the day after tomorrow, but I believe that forgiveness/healing will take place at some point. Now here is the scary part: we don't know how long we have....Life can always take a sudden turn for the worst when we least expect it. This is why we should not take a day for granted...and in all things, seek God first!
ReplyDelete